The Last Few Weeks...
As been pretty crazy for me and I'd like to share to the world or who ever reads these.
First of all like other people that are married my marriage isnt perfect. I'm not perfect in this marriage but for some weird reason everyone my mine side of the family thinks John is perfect that he cant do anything wrong. Well, I hope that they read this. A few days ago John and I got into a fight not a huge fight just something that in a few weeks not even remember about. I finally made dinner that took over an hour to make and cook meat loaf and at this time John and I are fighting and I dont want to become like the rest of the world and split up when it comes to eat dinner. I think thats one of a few things my family taught me. He went up stairs to eat at the computer I was ticked that we are fighting again and now hes not eating with our son and I. I say something stupid and he throughs the plate of meat loaf at the wall hitting the wall in our bedroom and the wall to our bathroom getting meat loaf on the walls and our new baby bassinet. I say something stupid again and now he throughs the glass of water at ME. Hitting me in the stomach now I'm 8 months preg. Water goes all over me and now my stomach stings due to the glass. I'm holding back my tears trying not to show him that he hurt me. I walk down stairs trying hard not to call the cops. I look at my stomach and theres a mark from where the glass hit me. Hunters screaming and crying because once again John is screaming and calling me a bitch that I dont do anything around here. Now John has me up against the wall screaming at me like hes a Drill SGT and Im a PVT (Private) I'm just standing there. Now, did I say somethings that could have started this? Yeah I might have. I just wanna have a happy family, a nice house and a nice car. I want a husband that enjoys spending time with his family. John has seen more then most people do in there whole lifetime with going to Iraq for a year and now knowing that he has to go back again in January and leaving his family again. I get that. He is seeing someone for PTS (Post Traumatic Stress) but, I dont know if its working and I know its going to take sometime. We have seen marriage counselers once before he left for the first time and another one after he came back. John doesnt wanna go. I do. He thinks that its a waste of time because we just sit there bitching to each other. That the counseler doesnt say anything. Well, yeah because John and I dont talk we have no communication skills. Probably something that we should have worked out before we got married. I feel like I'm playing tug-a-war with the wall and no matter how hard I pull the wall will always win. As much as I want this marriage to work i just dont know anymore. I think I stay because we have kids and for the fact I have no job, no car, no money. I love John and I cant even think about being with anybody else and just even thinking about John being with anybody else makes me sick and wanna cry. Knowing as much about his past years before me thinking about him being with a girlfriend that he had years before me I wanna kick her ass for hurting John. It just makes me sick. I know that it shouldnt because it was before me that hes with me now but it just does. Anyways, I just dont know what to do? I'm just so sick of everyone thinking John can do no wrong. Oh no John could never cheat..bullshit. He was a dick he can cheat. John loves me so much yeah well sometimes I think that he might not because if he did then way does he say the things he says and does things that knows is going to hurt me? We are under alot of stress right now with John leaving and with a new baby on the way in about 6 weeks theres still about $200.00 of things I NEED from Target. We have credit cards up the ass that needs to be paid off. Which I'm going to take on when hes gone to Iraq because he'll be making more money. Theres just so much crap going on.
Another thing is that a very sweet woman past away a few days ago that I love so much. I didnt get to say goodbye the way I would have like to and I'm kinda beating myself up over it. This is the 3rd person that has died in my lifetime that I love so much and I havent really got over any of there deaths.
The first was a reg. guest at Rams Horn where I was working and I got really close to him because he always came to see me he was in his 50's when he died. He was really sick and I went to see him in the hospital and I stayed for over an hour and before I left I asked him if the next time I came up there if there was anything that he wanted me to bring he asked for a chilli from Wendy's. I promised him that I would bring it. He got better and went home a few days later. I didnt get a chance to bring him his chilli because just days after he got home I was shot the police said that it looked like he had shot himself but, I knew the truth I didnt have any proof but my friend Kenny had a girlfriend who had a son that had major troubles with the law. I believe that this kid shot Kenny because there were checks missing from Kenny that this kid was trying to cash. And very shortly after Kenny was found dead the girlfriend and her son was gone, they left the city and was never heard from again.
The 2nd person that passed from my life was a child that was beat to death. He was only 2 and his own father beat him. The first time I found out about this baby I was scared. I knew the girl that was preg before she told me. The guy that got her preg wasnt the best kind of guy he had cheated on her and got this other girl preg too. Once she had the baby I fell so in love with this child. I watched him grow and even gave him ice cream at before he was a few months old. The last time I saw him he was sleeping in his car seat in the back of his moms car. He was so big. I gave him a kiss and told him that I loved him and let him sleep some more. When he did wake up I just couldnt believe my eyes. He was walking and talking and was potty training. Before I left I gave this kid a kiss and told him that I loved him that he better be good for mommy and his grandma and grandpa. That was the last time I saw him. (crying) January 9th he died as his mom ran up to the store for 5 minutes. She left him in his fathers care. Thinking that a father couldnt hurt his own son. I still think about the last time I saw this kid and evertime I do I cry. I think about all the things that I should have said and I just think about just taking him home with me. I cant think about the pain he had as his dad was beating him over and over again. From head to toe. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this child screaming and crying for help for mommy for someone and no one was there to save him. I couldnt even be there to protect him. The father all he got was 10 years behind bars. 10 years! thats it. His mother wont see him off to kindergarden watch him graduate high school get married see him has his first kid and this guy who was the father will get out of jail and be able to have more kids will be able to get married live a life.
The 3rd was who I was talking about in the start of all this who died just a little over a week ago. Was the most sweetest woman I ever knew. She was very sick had cancer and beat it then it came back and got worse. She was fighting for so long and on Oct. 31 she just couldnt fight anymore. She died with family by her side. I didnt get to know this woman for ever long only for a few years but I looked at her like a grandma that I never had. I guess the hole point is that life is to short and that tomorrow is never promised.
As been pretty crazy for me and I'd like to share to the world or who ever reads these.
First of all like other people that are married my marriage isnt perfect. I'm not perfect in this marriage but for some weird reason everyone my mine side of the family thinks John is perfect that he cant do anything wrong. Well, I hope that they read this. A few days ago John and I got into a fight not a huge fight just something that in a few weeks not even remember about. I finally made dinner that took over an hour to make and cook meat loaf and at this time John and I are fighting and I dont want to become like the rest of the world and split up when it comes to eat dinner. I think thats one of a few things my family taught me. He went up stairs to eat at the computer I was ticked that we are fighting again and now hes not eating with our son and I. I say something stupid and he throughs the plate of meat loaf at the wall hitting the wall in our bedroom and the wall to our bathroom getting meat loaf on the walls and our new baby bassinet. I say something stupid again and now he throughs the glass of water at ME. Hitting me in the stomach now I'm 8 months preg. Water goes all over me and now my stomach stings due to the glass. I'm holding back my tears trying not to show him that he hurt me. I walk down stairs trying hard not to call the cops. I look at my stomach and theres a mark from where the glass hit me. Hunters screaming and crying because once again John is screaming and calling me a bitch that I dont do anything around here. Now John has me up against the wall screaming at me like hes a Drill SGT and Im a PVT (Private) I'm just standing there. Now, did I say somethings that could have started this? Yeah I might have. I just wanna have a happy family, a nice house and a nice car. I want a husband that enjoys spending time with his family. John has seen more then most people do in there whole lifetime with going to Iraq for a year and now knowing that he has to go back again in January and leaving his family again. I get that. He is seeing someone for PTS (Post Traumatic Stress) but, I dont know if its working and I know its going to take sometime. We have seen marriage counselers once before he left for the first time and another one after he came back. John doesnt wanna go. I do. He thinks that its a waste of time because we just sit there bitching to each other. That the counseler doesnt say anything. Well, yeah because John and I dont talk we have no communication skills. Probably something that we should have worked out before we got married. I feel like I'm playing tug-a-war with the wall and no matter how hard I pull the wall will always win. As much as I want this marriage to work i just dont know anymore. I think I stay because we have kids and for the fact I have no job, no car, no money. I love John and I cant even think about being with anybody else and just even thinking about John being with anybody else makes me sick and wanna cry. Knowing as much about his past years before me thinking about him being with a girlfriend that he had years before me I wanna kick her ass for hurting John. It just makes me sick. I know that it shouldnt because it was before me that hes with me now but it just does. Anyways, I just dont know what to do? I'm just so sick of everyone thinking John can do no wrong. Oh no John could never cheat..bullshit. He was a dick he can cheat. John loves me so much yeah well sometimes I think that he might not because if he did then way does he say the things he says and does things that knows is going to hurt me? We are under alot of stress right now with John leaving and with a new baby on the way in about 6 weeks theres still about $200.00 of things I NEED from Target. We have credit cards up the ass that needs to be paid off. Which I'm going to take on when hes gone to Iraq because he'll be making more money. Theres just so much crap going on.
Another thing is that a very sweet woman past away a few days ago that I love so much. I didnt get to say goodbye the way I would have like to and I'm kinda beating myself up over it. This is the 3rd person that has died in my lifetime that I love so much and I havent really got over any of there deaths.
The first was a reg. guest at Rams Horn where I was working and I got really close to him because he always came to see me he was in his 50's when he died. He was really sick and I went to see him in the hospital and I stayed for over an hour and before I left I asked him if the next time I came up there if there was anything that he wanted me to bring he asked for a chilli from Wendy's. I promised him that I would bring it. He got better and went home a few days later. I didnt get a chance to bring him his chilli because just days after he got home I was shot the police said that it looked like he had shot himself but, I knew the truth I didnt have any proof but my friend Kenny had a girlfriend who had a son that had major troubles with the law. I believe that this kid shot Kenny because there were checks missing from Kenny that this kid was trying to cash. And very shortly after Kenny was found dead the girlfriend and her son was gone, they left the city and was never heard from again.
The 2nd person that passed from my life was a child that was beat to death. He was only 2 and his own father beat him. The first time I found out about this baby I was scared. I knew the girl that was preg before she told me. The guy that got her preg wasnt the best kind of guy he had cheated on her and got this other girl preg too. Once she had the baby I fell so in love with this child. I watched him grow and even gave him ice cream at before he was a few months old. The last time I saw him he was sleeping in his car seat in the back of his moms car. He was so big. I gave him a kiss and told him that I loved him and let him sleep some more. When he did wake up I just couldnt believe my eyes. He was walking and talking and was potty training. Before I left I gave this kid a kiss and told him that I loved him that he better be good for mommy and his grandma and grandpa. That was the last time I saw him. (crying) January 9th he died as his mom ran up to the store for 5 minutes. She left him in his fathers care. Thinking that a father couldnt hurt his own son. I still think about the last time I saw this kid and evertime I do I cry. I think about all the things that I should have said and I just think about just taking him home with me. I cant think about the pain he had as his dad was beating him over and over again. From head to toe. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this child screaming and crying for help for mommy for someone and no one was there to save him. I couldnt even be there to protect him. The father all he got was 10 years behind bars. 10 years! thats it. His mother wont see him off to kindergarden watch him graduate high school get married see him has his first kid and this guy who was the father will get out of jail and be able to have more kids will be able to get married live a life.
The 3rd was who I was talking about in the start of all this who died just a little over a week ago. Was the most sweetest woman I ever knew. She was very sick had cancer and beat it then it came back and got worse. She was fighting for so long and on Oct. 31 she just couldnt fight anymore. She died with family by her side. I didnt get to know this woman for ever long only for a few years but I looked at her like a grandma that I never had. I guess the hole point is that life is to short and that tomorrow is never promised.
posted by BroenEyedGurl @ 6:53 PM
1 Comments:
At 1:03 AM,
Jimbo said…
your story is so sad :(
ya'd getta hug from me...
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