Am I crazy...?
How can I start this without coming down on John so much? Hummm..Nope, cant do it. I hate this marriage so bad. Hes messing up everything that I had planned. He now wants to start a band! Yeah thats right a band! I really hate his friend Josh because if it wasnt for him John wouldnt be the person that I'm stuck with today. I really cant wait till Josh and his wife and John and I get out of the Army. Josh and his wife are going back home to IL. well I hope, and I think we are staying here. GOD I think I'm going crazy. SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL! Every since Josh came into Johns life I dont know him anymore. Everything that Josh wears John wants now, everything Josh has John wants it too. All the music Josh listens too now John likes. When I mean everything I mean EVERYTHING! Josh is all into playing his guitar which is fine but, before John really didnt touch his. Now that Josh and John have been ass buddies. Josh got a new bigger amp and now John HAS to have the same one. Josh's wife doesnt give to shits about where Josh is and John compairs me to her all the time. "Well, Stacy lets Josh go why cant I?" "Josh this Josh that." I want the John I got married to back. I kept all the e-mails that John wrote me and I re-read them and John hasnt kept anything that he promised me. Like ooh how he could wait to take Hunter to the park and run around with him. Well, everytime I told John we are taking Hunter to the park you know what John is doing complaining about how much he doesnt wanna be there. Or what about how John misses the romance that we USED to have? Has he done anything to fix that? Once, March 11th 2005 and he took me to a really nice place in Seattle to eat and then we came back home. He was going to make it bigger like get a limo and flowers but I told him that I didnt want anything cheesey. I think that breaking promises to me is the only thing that John can do without trying. Oh and this hole band thing was suppost to be a hobby that was suppost to be a once or twice a month thing he even wrote it in a e-mail so its in black and white. Now, its a life all goal. Just the guys getting together drinking beer and "jammin". He and this Josh guy are now looking for a drummer. All I want is a normal marriage you know a husband that works a normal 9 to 5 job or hell John even said something about wanting to be a police officer. Thats fine. Just a normal marriage that the husband gets up and goes to work and the wife can work if she wants to and comes home and cleans house and makes dinner and the husband comes home and we eat at the dinner table and the husband and kids play around on the floor and we give the kids a bath and put them into bed and maybe once or twice a week the husband and wife open a bottle of wine and just watch tv and relax. But I am not going to be this wife that has 2 kids and home school my kids on a bus while John can just play his music riding around town. Its just not going to happen. Not with me it wont. John blames me for everything that didnt go his way. Oh well you made me stop hanging out with my friends in Belleville, I join the Army for you, everything I do is for you. Well, if everything is SUPPOST to be for me then why am I unhappy? Does that make sense? Nope, not to me either. I know I told him that i wanted to go to College for something. I wanted to be a k-teacher or something. We cant even get out of debit and he has a list of guitar crap he wants to buy, then he comes up with the idea that once the credit cards are paid off and we are having money that can go into a saving account that we should each put in like $20.00 a month into a different account. Which isnt a bad idea but what I wanna spend the money on is something we can do as a family like go back home and visit family and friends in Michigan or go to Hawii or some family vacation. But John hes selfish and wants to spend it on himself. Of course! Its almost like John doesnt care about Hunter or me. I know when I go shopping and I wanna buy something for myself I ALWAYS end up buying something for John. Its driving me crazy. Can someone give me advice? Am I wrong? Someone please help!
How can I start this without coming down on John so much? Hummm..Nope, cant do it. I hate this marriage so bad. Hes messing up everything that I had planned. He now wants to start a band! Yeah thats right a band! I really hate his friend Josh because if it wasnt for him John wouldnt be the person that I'm stuck with today. I really cant wait till Josh and his wife and John and I get out of the Army. Josh and his wife are going back home to IL. well I hope, and I think we are staying here. GOD I think I'm going crazy. SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL! Every since Josh came into Johns life I dont know him anymore. Everything that Josh wears John wants now, everything Josh has John wants it too. All the music Josh listens too now John likes. When I mean everything I mean EVERYTHING! Josh is all into playing his guitar which is fine but, before John really didnt touch his. Now that Josh and John have been ass buddies. Josh got a new bigger amp and now John HAS to have the same one. Josh's wife doesnt give to shits about where Josh is and John compairs me to her all the time. "Well, Stacy lets Josh go why cant I?" "Josh this Josh that." I want the John I got married to back. I kept all the e-mails that John wrote me and I re-read them and John hasnt kept anything that he promised me. Like ooh how he could wait to take Hunter to the park and run around with him. Well, everytime I told John we are taking Hunter to the park you know what John is doing complaining about how much he doesnt wanna be there. Or what about how John misses the romance that we USED to have? Has he done anything to fix that? Once, March 11th 2005 and he took me to a really nice place in Seattle to eat and then we came back home. He was going to make it bigger like get a limo and flowers but I told him that I didnt want anything cheesey. I think that breaking promises to me is the only thing that John can do without trying. Oh and this hole band thing was suppost to be a hobby that was suppost to be a once or twice a month thing he even wrote it in a e-mail so its in black and white. Now, its a life all goal. Just the guys getting together drinking beer and "jammin". He and this Josh guy are now looking for a drummer. All I want is a normal marriage you know a husband that works a normal 9 to 5 job or hell John even said something about wanting to be a police officer. Thats fine. Just a normal marriage that the husband gets up and goes to work and the wife can work if she wants to and comes home and cleans house and makes dinner and the husband comes home and we eat at the dinner table and the husband and kids play around on the floor and we give the kids a bath and put them into bed and maybe once or twice a week the husband and wife open a bottle of wine and just watch tv and relax. But I am not going to be this wife that has 2 kids and home school my kids on a bus while John can just play his music riding around town. Its just not going to happen. Not with me it wont. John blames me for everything that didnt go his way. Oh well you made me stop hanging out with my friends in Belleville, I join the Army for you, everything I do is for you. Well, if everything is SUPPOST to be for me then why am I unhappy? Does that make sense? Nope, not to me either. I know I told him that i wanted to go to College for something. I wanted to be a k-teacher or something. We cant even get out of debit and he has a list of guitar crap he wants to buy, then he comes up with the idea that once the credit cards are paid off and we are having money that can go into a saving account that we should each put in like $20.00 a month into a different account. Which isnt a bad idea but what I wanna spend the money on is something we can do as a family like go back home and visit family and friends in Michigan or go to Hawii or some family vacation. But John hes selfish and wants to spend it on himself. Of course! Its almost like John doesnt care about Hunter or me. I know when I go shopping and I wanna buy something for myself I ALWAYS end up buying something for John. Its driving me crazy. Can someone give me advice? Am I wrong? Someone please help!
posted by BroenEyedGurl @ 11:43 PM
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