Jealously...
I now know what my problem is..it didnt take very long to think about this but, I'm being vulnerable right now so please no one hurt me. I'm jealous of Johns friends and everything John does without me. I know it sounds stupid and I'm sure your thinking that I need a hobby. Please dont rub it in i know. I wish that I had the laughs that John has with his friends and the happy times that he does with everybody else. It really feels like when I'm not around John has the best fun. He went to Ozfest in Aug and he didnt want me to go because I was preg and because he didnt want to feel like I was watching him. I watch football not because he likes to but because thats something that I enjoy too. I drink, go to bars, this is when I'm not preg so I dont wanna hear about how I'm a bad mother because I'm not. I want the relationship like Emily and Don I see them as a perfect couple. A couple that I'd like John and I to be. But, were not. I question myself everyday if John really loves me and if I really love him? And everyday I come up with the same answer I dont know. I wish that I knew what was going to happen before it happened. Life would be so much better for me. I'm so sick and tired of having this relationship that John and I are just two married people we arent friends anymore we dont hang out talk about stupid shit nothing. I'm finding myself looking for something more in other people then toward into the relationship because John gives me the feeling like this marriage is already over.