Week 3 Day 1..
Well, heres the e-mails in order. I hope someone can help me what to do.
This is John...
hey its me, ive made it to iraq alive and well. i havent found a phone center yet but im sure when i get a day off ill have time to look for it. our schedule is rediculous right now and pretty soon its gonna get worse. i hope you realize that im kind of upset with you. its not good that you wouldnt care if i stayed here for 5 years and when i say i love you, you dont say it back. i dont know if you dont care about our relationship anymore but if thats the case just tell me. because quite frankly im kind of tired of being pissed off and moody all the time. so lets stop playing games and just get down to what the real deal is. i try to appologize for being grumpy to you and you cant accept it and you wanna get even more pissed off. so im done appologizing. im not gonna have happen this time what happened last time. anyways. moving on. tell hunter and mason i love them both very much and daddy thinks about them every single day. please keep me informed of anything important or big. it looks like emial and yahoo messenger will be the easiest means of communication but i will make an effort to call often. let me know when you get the taxes done and when you send out my guitar crap because they dont deliver it strait to us so i have to go to the post office everyday to see if i have any mail. well i gotta email my parents and let them know im ok. take care of yourself and the boys. ~me
Now me replying-
Hi!
I'm glad that this is via e-mail and not over the phone it makes crying through this e-mail easier to do. LOL. I'm glad that you made it safe to iraq. when I said that i didnt care if this deployment was for 5 years it wasnt like i ment it literally, i'm sorry. However, when your here you make me feel like your guitar and Josh are the most important things to you. and with you being out there it makes me feel like you really dont need me besides to just send you your guitar. and i know your thinking that its not true but thats how it makes me feel. When your home all you think about is the weekend and what day and time is Josh coming over and how much beer is there going to be.? I know what you told me about your list of whos important and i know that work and us are at the top but that doesnt seem to be the way it goes when your home. John, I AM VERY JEALOUS of the relationship that you and josh have. you know this and you seem not to do anything to make me feel any better. just like the first time you were over there you were jealous of a friend that i had made and how much time we were spending together and what we were talking about and now the tables have turned. I have no problems with josh himself however i just wish you would put the same time in with us as you do with him. and look forward to that time like you do with josh. i guess what bugs me the most is that im 23 years old and we are married and have 2 kids however you are the only one that gets to act there age and have fun with there friends and when you do that im not included. (thats what babysitters are for) I dont get that time for myself without the kids. and if i did i would wanna spend that time with you and it seems that all your fun time goes to Josh. we never go out and have fun together you always say we dont have the money we never have money and if we did you wanna pay off the credit cards with it. all work and no play makes megan go crazy. and even more so watching you drink and have fun without me.
im sorry that i didnt say that i loved you but i didnt hear you. i do love you very much.
Megan
John again-
hey, i hope you can explain something to me. ive been wandering around here pissed off and angry for about a week now because last time i hear from you, you told me that you dont care if i stay in iraq for 5 years. you tell me that u have no emotion towards me anymore and you hang up on me. i get into a fight at the phone center with some prick that wants to run his mouth when i slam the phone against the wall and josh has to pry me off of him. i have people telling me that i need help and to talk to somebody because im not emotionally stable. you tell me that i should be fine because i have josh here and everythings fun and games. now all of a sudden its different you tell me you love me and nothing will ever change that. i cant take these ups and downs anymore. my mind is going twelve ways at once. and without getting into the details things have happened here lately that give me the impression that its not as calm as i had thought at first. megan i dont know what to do anymore. im sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. i wont lose sleep over this anymore. i need to know what the hell is happening to me and why you feel like you can put me through this. im not trying to put a guilt trip on you, im just telling you how i feel. i wont do this again this time. that being said, i hope your telling the boys that i love them. i really hope hunter still remembers me. and i hope your showing them both my picture alot. i miss them so much. i have to get to work. we start our on the job training with the air force this afternoon.
~john
Me replying-
call me please
im begging you
John again-
i dont know what to tell you megan. do i love you...of course. but lately i dont know what is going on. things get so bad that i dont know how to deal with them. ive talked to a number of people about the problems weve had and they dont know why i put up with it. the constant yelling and screaming and name calling. megan when you started breaking our bedroom door down with a damn hammer that just totally changed the way i look at you. i dont know what to say anymore. ive told everyone ive talked to about both sides. ive told them about my drinking and hanging out with josh. ive told them about all that. and ive told them about the things that youve done too like setting up a seperate account so you can leave me and slapping me because you know i wont hit you back and still people dont know why i go on being miserable. and all i can tell them is because ive put so much time in this relationship and i love my children. the general thought is that a relationship that is as rough as ours is doesnt get better with time, it gets worse and thats not good for kids. especially ones as smart as hunter is and mason will be. megan im so stressed out i cant think strait anymore and i know youll get pissed off at me but i started smoking again because it keeps my nerves calm. im sorry but i dont know what to do anymore. i know if i called you i would just end up crying and pissed off again and im afraid ill haul off and hit somebody again and actually get caught this time. i need your input here. im not trying to scare you. im letting you know how i feel.
Me again-
i havent eatin in 2 days now. i told you what you should do. you NEED to call me if you want this marriage at all to work. I was trying to breastfeed Mason but because im not eating i cant produce milk. I got REALLY drunk today and almost took some sleeping pills. yeah john im ready to kill myself. the kids are the only thing keeping me from doing it. it got so bad that i called someone and im going to talk to someone for some help. and i think you need to do the same. the people that your talking to isnt who you need to talk to. im going to send this and hope that your there i'll finish what im going to say in pt. 2
Part 2-
i know whats going to happen and it hurts me to say this and since ive been crying all day i cant really see right. the people your talking to isnt people you need to talk to. for someone to sit there and say that you should leave me and why do you put up with this. then you say because you have put so much time into this because you love your childred. what you dont love me? John im so hurt and disappointed in you. first of all you lied to me and you broke a promise to me again after saying before you left that every promise you made your going to keep. im not pissed that your smoking im soooo hurt and really upset. you told me that you didnt want to do it, you told me that it makes you sick. i hope to god you stop right now. the account that i HAD open is and has been closed for months now. john you need to call me or this isnt going to work. you not calling me just tells me what you really think about us. I think that you need to hear my voice. im so confused with why your acting like this.? im over whatever happened over the phone. about the bedroom door what about the 2 doors that you kicked and punched? what about the dresser? i know whats going to happen and i dont wanna tell you on here you need to call me. please. stop smoking now please! stop thinking your going to piss me off john your not your hurting me. if you love me then you would stop hurting me. i would love to stop hurting you and im working on that with a doctor. im getting some real help tp prove to you that i wanna do this i wanna make this work. i think you should do the same. not with josh, not with any friends. what kind of friends say that you should leave your wife and kids? they should tell you that you have to work it out. i wish you would listen to me and not them they arent helping us. just call me i cant keep waiting for you to e-mail me. your seriously killing me. just stop e-mailing me and call. i cant keep doing this john. i love you so much and you still havent said that you love me that you miss me that you want to come home. what is up with that? im worried sick about you. i dont know anything about whats going on there. we need to talk, just talk, not hang on on each other but talk to start over. just call i cant talk here anymore. you have the power to call and i cant just sit here and wait for a e-mail anymore. i sit here in front of the computer for 20 hours a day and wait for you to e-mail me and i dont know even if you read them. i cant cry through this letter john im so hurt by you. and i know that i have hurt you to i just wish you would talk to me and not people out there about it. if you tell me how i hurt you then i would be able to say sorry about it.
i love you,
megan
Thats all that there is now..Someone Please help me.
Well, heres the e-mails in order. I hope someone can help me what to do.
This is John...
hey its me, ive made it to iraq alive and well. i havent found a phone center yet but im sure when i get a day off ill have time to look for it. our schedule is rediculous right now and pretty soon its gonna get worse. i hope you realize that im kind of upset with you. its not good that you wouldnt care if i stayed here for 5 years and when i say i love you, you dont say it back. i dont know if you dont care about our relationship anymore but if thats the case just tell me. because quite frankly im kind of tired of being pissed off and moody all the time. so lets stop playing games and just get down to what the real deal is. i try to appologize for being grumpy to you and you cant accept it and you wanna get even more pissed off. so im done appologizing. im not gonna have happen this time what happened last time. anyways. moving on. tell hunter and mason i love them both very much and daddy thinks about them every single day. please keep me informed of anything important or big. it looks like emial and yahoo messenger will be the easiest means of communication but i will make an effort to call often. let me know when you get the taxes done and when you send out my guitar crap because they dont deliver it strait to us so i have to go to the post office everyday to see if i have any mail. well i gotta email my parents and let them know im ok. take care of yourself and the boys. ~me
Now me replying-
Hi!
I'm glad that this is via e-mail and not over the phone it makes crying through this e-mail easier to do. LOL. I'm glad that you made it safe to iraq. when I said that i didnt care if this deployment was for 5 years it wasnt like i ment it literally, i'm sorry. However, when your here you make me feel like your guitar and Josh are the most important things to you. and with you being out there it makes me feel like you really dont need me besides to just send you your guitar. and i know your thinking that its not true but thats how it makes me feel. When your home all you think about is the weekend and what day and time is Josh coming over and how much beer is there going to be.? I know what you told me about your list of whos important and i know that work and us are at the top but that doesnt seem to be the way it goes when your home. John, I AM VERY JEALOUS of the relationship that you and josh have. you know this and you seem not to do anything to make me feel any better. just like the first time you were over there you were jealous of a friend that i had made and how much time we were spending together and what we were talking about and now the tables have turned. I have no problems with josh himself however i just wish you would put the same time in with us as you do with him. and look forward to that time like you do with josh. i guess what bugs me the most is that im 23 years old and we are married and have 2 kids however you are the only one that gets to act there age and have fun with there friends and when you do that im not included. (thats what babysitters are for) I dont get that time for myself without the kids. and if i did i would wanna spend that time with you and it seems that all your fun time goes to Josh. we never go out and have fun together you always say we dont have the money we never have money and if we did you wanna pay off the credit cards with it. all work and no play makes megan go crazy. and even more so watching you drink and have fun without me.
im sorry that i didnt say that i loved you but i didnt hear you. i do love you very much.
Megan
John again-
hey, i hope you can explain something to me. ive been wandering around here pissed off and angry for about a week now because last time i hear from you, you told me that you dont care if i stay in iraq for 5 years. you tell me that u have no emotion towards me anymore and you hang up on me. i get into a fight at the phone center with some prick that wants to run his mouth when i slam the phone against the wall and josh has to pry me off of him. i have people telling me that i need help and to talk to somebody because im not emotionally stable. you tell me that i should be fine because i have josh here and everythings fun and games. now all of a sudden its different you tell me you love me and nothing will ever change that. i cant take these ups and downs anymore. my mind is going twelve ways at once. and without getting into the details things have happened here lately that give me the impression that its not as calm as i had thought at first. megan i dont know what to do anymore. im sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. i wont lose sleep over this anymore. i need to know what the hell is happening to me and why you feel like you can put me through this. im not trying to put a guilt trip on you, im just telling you how i feel. i wont do this again this time. that being said, i hope your telling the boys that i love them. i really hope hunter still remembers me. and i hope your showing them both my picture alot. i miss them so much. i have to get to work. we start our on the job training with the air force this afternoon.
~john
Me replying-
call me please
im begging you
John again-
i dont know what to tell you megan. do i love you...of course. but lately i dont know what is going on. things get so bad that i dont know how to deal with them. ive talked to a number of people about the problems weve had and they dont know why i put up with it. the constant yelling and screaming and name calling. megan when you started breaking our bedroom door down with a damn hammer that just totally changed the way i look at you. i dont know what to say anymore. ive told everyone ive talked to about both sides. ive told them about my drinking and hanging out with josh. ive told them about all that. and ive told them about the things that youve done too like setting up a seperate account so you can leave me and slapping me because you know i wont hit you back and still people dont know why i go on being miserable. and all i can tell them is because ive put so much time in this relationship and i love my children. the general thought is that a relationship that is as rough as ours is doesnt get better with time, it gets worse and thats not good for kids. especially ones as smart as hunter is and mason will be. megan im so stressed out i cant think strait anymore and i know youll get pissed off at me but i started smoking again because it keeps my nerves calm. im sorry but i dont know what to do anymore. i know if i called you i would just end up crying and pissed off again and im afraid ill haul off and hit somebody again and actually get caught this time. i need your input here. im not trying to scare you. im letting you know how i feel.
Me again-
i havent eatin in 2 days now. i told you what you should do. you NEED to call me if you want this marriage at all to work. I was trying to breastfeed Mason but because im not eating i cant produce milk. I got REALLY drunk today and almost took some sleeping pills. yeah john im ready to kill myself. the kids are the only thing keeping me from doing it. it got so bad that i called someone and im going to talk to someone for some help. and i think you need to do the same. the people that your talking to isnt who you need to talk to. im going to send this and hope that your there i'll finish what im going to say in pt. 2
Part 2-
i know whats going to happen and it hurts me to say this and since ive been crying all day i cant really see right. the people your talking to isnt people you need to talk to. for someone to sit there and say that you should leave me and why do you put up with this. then you say because you have put so much time into this because you love your childred. what you dont love me? John im so hurt and disappointed in you. first of all you lied to me and you broke a promise to me again after saying before you left that every promise you made your going to keep. im not pissed that your smoking im soooo hurt and really upset. you told me that you didnt want to do it, you told me that it makes you sick. i hope to god you stop right now. the account that i HAD open is and has been closed for months now. john you need to call me or this isnt going to work. you not calling me just tells me what you really think about us. I think that you need to hear my voice. im so confused with why your acting like this.? im over whatever happened over the phone. about the bedroom door what about the 2 doors that you kicked and punched? what about the dresser? i know whats going to happen and i dont wanna tell you on here you need to call me. please. stop smoking now please! stop thinking your going to piss me off john your not your hurting me. if you love me then you would stop hurting me. i would love to stop hurting you and im working on that with a doctor. im getting some real help tp prove to you that i wanna do this i wanna make this work. i think you should do the same. not with josh, not with any friends. what kind of friends say that you should leave your wife and kids? they should tell you that you have to work it out. i wish you would listen to me and not them they arent helping us. just call me i cant keep waiting for you to e-mail me. your seriously killing me. just stop e-mailing me and call. i cant keep doing this john. i love you so much and you still havent said that you love me that you miss me that you want to come home. what is up with that? im worried sick about you. i dont know anything about whats going on there. we need to talk, just talk, not hang on on each other but talk to start over. just call i cant talk here anymore. you have the power to call and i cant just sit here and wait for a e-mail anymore. i sit here in front of the computer for 20 hours a day and wait for you to e-mail me and i dont know even if you read them. i cant cry through this letter john im so hurt by you. and i know that i have hurt you to i just wish you would talk to me and not people out there about it. if you tell me how i hurt you then i would be able to say sorry about it.
i love you,
megan
Thats all that there is now..Someone Please help me.
posted by BroenEyedGurl @ 8:43 PM
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