Day 3 Without John...
I'm happy thats its now been 3 days because it feels so much shorter then that. I STILL havent heard from John and I dont know what to think. Think positive right? Ok, so he made it safe to Kawait and there checking in there things. Ok thats about as far as I can think positive. Because he still hasnt called my mind starts to wonder if hes doing something that he shouldnt be. I dont wanna think about that but it just happens.
Today, I cleaned the living room to were we can sit down there and your not sitting in chip crums and stepping on toy cars. I also cleaned up all Johns Army crap that he left on the floor. I washed some clothes (I mean I have to leave something to do tomorrow) and cleaned up the bedroom.
Hunter was driving me nuts today. He was just getting into EVERYTHING! Masons new swing and bouncer, the pens and paper, markers, you name it he was getting into it. I made him some Mac and Cheese and after he ate he kinda calmed down. Thank God.
Mason, my good baby just kinda slept all day which is nice. I'm back to not taking great care of myself and now I'm not producing enough milk so I'm giving him breast milk and formula. I hate it because I was really hoping that I could just do breast milk till whenever I wanted to stop. I think with John not calling me its just making me a little stressed and once he does and I know that everything is ok then I'll be shooting out milk like theres no tomorrow. Gross, I know.
It feels so late right now just looking at the clock and it only being just about 6pm I feel so tired. I still have to give both boys a bath and get Hunter into bed by 9pm. WOOHOO just 3 more hours.
Wow, I just got all depressed there for a sec. I was thinking that tonight is Sunday night and that there wasnt going to be anything on tv tonight and yet all Johns favorite shows are going to be on. I could cry. I miss him so bad. I guess it was going to happen one way or another (me crying) I just hope that everything is ok with him and that he misses me and the kids. I know that he probably does but I just wanna talk to him and hear him say it. I guess I just wanna go back to Friday morning and just hug and cry on him. Because Hunter was so tired he just screamed and didnt let me think about John leaving and now I just wanna hug him and cry. I wanna see John cry and hug me. I need that. I'm a little scared that when John does call that thats all I'm going to do is cry. I have been putting up this front that everythings fine which it is but, my other piece of my heart is in Kawait or hell he even could be in Iraq now. Hes my other half and I'm sad. I could really use a hug right now and a shoulder to cry on. And yet no ones here.
I'm happy thats its now been 3 days because it feels so much shorter then that. I STILL havent heard from John and I dont know what to think. Think positive right? Ok, so he made it safe to Kawait and there checking in there things. Ok thats about as far as I can think positive. Because he still hasnt called my mind starts to wonder if hes doing something that he shouldnt be. I dont wanna think about that but it just happens.
Today, I cleaned the living room to were we can sit down there and your not sitting in chip crums and stepping on toy cars. I also cleaned up all Johns Army crap that he left on the floor. I washed some clothes (I mean I have to leave something to do tomorrow) and cleaned up the bedroom.
Hunter was driving me nuts today. He was just getting into EVERYTHING! Masons new swing and bouncer, the pens and paper, markers, you name it he was getting into it. I made him some Mac and Cheese and after he ate he kinda calmed down. Thank God.
Mason, my good baby just kinda slept all day which is nice. I'm back to not taking great care of myself and now I'm not producing enough milk so I'm giving him breast milk and formula. I hate it because I was really hoping that I could just do breast milk till whenever I wanted to stop. I think with John not calling me its just making me a little stressed and once he does and I know that everything is ok then I'll be shooting out milk like theres no tomorrow. Gross, I know.
It feels so late right now just looking at the clock and it only being just about 6pm I feel so tired. I still have to give both boys a bath and get Hunter into bed by 9pm. WOOHOO just 3 more hours.
Wow, I just got all depressed there for a sec. I was thinking that tonight is Sunday night and that there wasnt going to be anything on tv tonight and yet all Johns favorite shows are going to be on. I could cry. I miss him so bad. I guess it was going to happen one way or another (me crying) I just hope that everything is ok with him and that he misses me and the kids. I know that he probably does but I just wanna talk to him and hear him say it. I guess I just wanna go back to Friday morning and just hug and cry on him. Because Hunter was so tired he just screamed and didnt let me think about John leaving and now I just wanna hug him and cry. I wanna see John cry and hug me. I need that. I'm a little scared that when John does call that thats all I'm going to do is cry. I have been putting up this front that everythings fine which it is but, my other piece of my heart is in Kawait or hell he even could be in Iraq now. Hes my other half and I'm sad. I could really use a hug right now and a shoulder to cry on. And yet no ones here.
posted by BroenEyedGurl @ 5:42 PM
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