Can I Get Some Love...
I feel so unloved today. John kissed me once when he got home and that was it. He said probably all of 10 to 15 words to me. He didnt thank me for dinner, he didnt kiss my goodnight, hell he didnt even tell me goodnight. I have a craving for sweet and sour chicken and I need some milk I ask him if he could run to the store to pick me up some does he? Nope. I bet he'd run to the store for beer. But, for milk not going to happen. I cried tonight because all I want before I have this baby is sex and he cant even give me that. He gave me the whole hes just not in the mood story and walked upstairs. Which makes me believe that its just another way of saying, "its me not you" BS. Ok yes im 9 months preg and I can see if he doesnt find me all that sexy but what the F*** I'm carring his kid. All I want is sex just 20 minutes hell I'd go for 15 or 10. Just something better then 30 sec. like last weekend. He said that because Ive been pressuring him that thats another reason why but I find that hard to believe. He doesnt even try to get into the mood. On Sunday morning John I guess was having a sex dream and woke up pretty earily and what does he do. Well, I'll tell you what he wasnt trying to do and that was have sex with me but he had no problems doing it himself and just look at me. What kind of $hit is that? I'm done. As mush as it hurts I give up on sex with him. And its going to keep coming up this whole why arent we having sex talk till he tells me whats really going on. Yes, I laughed when last weekend or whenever it was that he lasted 30 sec. it was funny. He said it was because he hadnt gotten off and that we havent had sex in a while. Its funny how I wanted it and he didnt then when we do have sex he can only last 30 sec. How fair is that? I was the one that wanted it and he didnt and yet he got to enjoy the sex and I got NOTHING! NOTHING! Not a hear baby because I came to fast let me please you anyway I can. I got to lay there stone faced in shock and he got up and went to the computer and starting doing whatever. Was I suppost to say, "wow baby that was the best 30 sec I every had?" I guess I was. Then he wants to know why I'm talking to these guys online and its because hes not giving me the attention that I need that I crave. I'm not going to have sex with them. Or even meet them. but at least they talk to me. I just feel like I wanna scream and break plates and just really hurt John. Right now, I hope that when he leaves for Iraq again that he gets shot in the leg. Nothing serious just something for him to realize that family comes first and that all the crap hes done is wrong. Something that would change his life and the way he views it. Well, good night and good day.