New Blog to check out!
I will e-mail you all the new address..I guess some people cant handle this like a adult and you know who you are.

YAY for me!

John goes back to Washington today! YAY! Thats one less stress on me. My dad is helping me with my money situation. To many bills not enough money. Everyone at work is complaining about how much they are making and that its not enough and that my boss Mary is planing to hire more housekeepers and that they are cutting our hours. Well, Im just the type of person that just goes right to the problem. So I talked it all out and Im going to be working more hours on top of just housekeeping. One of the maintance guys Eric left so they are having the housekeepers pick up more hours with his work. I told Mary that I love planting flowers and that thats something I wanted to pick up. She said cool. How about on Friday? I said SWEET! So, I will be not only picking up more hours but doing other things to get my foot in the door to taking over the hotel. Ok yeah so Im pushing it a little but thats the way to start, right? I still need to get another job. Just something on the side that I can pick up for some extra money. I was thinking about cleaning houses or peoples apts here in my complex. I have been talking to the people that I live around and I think it could be fun. What else has been going on? Mason is about to turn 5 months. I cant believe that hes getting so big. Hes about to start crawling here in a few months. He can get his legs under him. He just smiles and smiles. God I love him. Just looking at him makes me smile and however much stress I may have having my boys I know that things will be ok. Hunter too. I just look at him and just smile. Hes being really good. He talks so good now a days. Its so cute when he wants something he will say please mommy please. Please can I have _______ please mommy. How can you say no to that? I have to sometimes and he doesnt give me problems. Most of the time anyways. Today is my first day off work in like 7 days. I have so much to do. I have to go to the bank and open a account here in Michigan. I have to get some food in this house. What else? Oh because John doesnt wanna give me money I have to go on Welfair. OMG, I hate this..I hate feeling poor. The throught of welfair I think of crack heads that dont wanna work for a living and just use the system for whatever they can. Well, people I know that Im working to get off it asap. With John leaving me with 2 kids and just having a little over 7 grand when I left Washington. Im working my butt off and I just cant make it. Im already on WIC for the milk and formula. Now Welfair. I really hate John for this. I REALLY DO! I have to sell my wedding dress the dress that was my wedding dress of my dreams for money. Im selling my preg clothes and all my newborn baby clothes. Hell even my 3-6 months baby clothes. Im not having anymore kids for a LONG time. If things just dont start looking up Im going to have to sell some of Hunters toys that he doesnt play with. Maybe I should do that anyways. My dad is doing all that he can with my bills and my money and even giving me some of his. I hate this. I hate having to take money from people. Friends or family its not something that I like doing. Well, its already 10:15am and I have lots to do so Ill post again real soon. Love you all..YAY JOHNS GOING BACK TO WASHINGTON!! YAY!

What This Chick Did...
Last night was just a mess. I went to this bar called Alfreds on the Alley. It was a small bar. I saw some people from Robichaud. I didnt say anything to them just because I didnt know them all that well. I had 2 Bud Lites and like 3 cigs. I was feeling pretty sick. I think I remember why I quit in the first place. Me not eating a whole lot that day also. I was just so scared about picking up the boys last night all the things that were running into my head..Was she going to try and pick them? What if Hunter or Mason have diaper rash are they going to try and take pictures and use it against me in court? When I pulled up I was talking to Kyle I just needed someone to hear if anything was going to be said that I wanted it to be Kyle. Kathy and Johns friend Robert came and gave me the kids. Well, I took Hunter and Robert just had the diaper bag. I didnt say anything to Robert. As I was making sure that Mason was clicked into the base of his car seat I told Kathy that I wasnt going to take the grandkids away. That this is just gone WAY OUT OF HAND and that I dont trust John for the life of me. She told me that it went very well and asked me if they can do it again on Monday. In my head I was laughing. I just gave her a hug and told her that I didnt know. Wants to do it again on Monday? Are you freaking kidding me?
Al is coming I wanna say the 25th-esh. For a 4 day thing. I guess his mom and friends all chipped in and got him a plane ticket. YAY! Something good to look forward too. Not that John leaving would be bad but something better then that. AL IS COMING! He told me that he was thinking about me and that he wanted to hang out this time since he didnt really want to when he was here before because he knew that he was going to break up with me and that he didnt want me to yell and scream at him. Which I wasnt and I told him why. We had good reason to break up and thats that. I know that some of you are going to be thinking that im still married but we are just friends. I think that this would be a great way maybe depending on how I feel maybe let Johns parents watch the boys. OMG WHAT AM I SAYING??? I dont know. Asking Kyle to do it would just be to weird because Kyle likes me and Al is the ex and blah blah blah...you know. If not Johns parents then Tami. She owes me. BIG TIME! I dont know I just know that this was something that I am soooo looking forward too. FINALLY, something good thats going to happen. With all the crap that John will have given to me in the 10 days that he is going to be here having Al here to hang out with just makes things all better. I guess people have to go through all the crap to get to something good. Well I have to get into the shower and get my butt out the door for work. Grr...I better make some tips. OH I MADE A $20.00 tip yesterday. I had money to put into my gas tank. Yeah and what is up with the gas prices? Its almost $3.00 a gallon. Its like $2.98. AHHHH.....what is this world coming too?

What a Chick to Do?...
So, I'll still lovin the job. I got my first pay check! WOOHOO! 54 hours and it doesnt really fell like it. Anyways I know some of you wanna hear the good stuff. John and I got into it on Tuesday in the car after a friend thats right a FRIEND Tim told John what was up on the law. John took my cell phone and scratched me in the process. I went to the police and filed a report. He was SOOO drunk I could smell it on him and he was sluring his words and everything. It was a nightmare. I cant freakin wait for him to go back to Washington he has made my life for the last few days f-ing hell.
Right now at this very second my kids yes thats right MY KIDS are at his parents house. Im freaking out because I dont trust John or his family. I am going to try and have fun at the bar. Grr...damn girlfriends just know what the trick is to get me there and know what I need. A DRINK! Sadly, I have smoked a cig and a half at work. Things are just getting WAY to out of hand here. I guess John is now reading my blogs and whatever so now I dont have a place to vent and get all this out and off my chest. I guess Al is reading this as well. Thank you all for caring I wish that you guys would all just leave me some comments on what to do or something. Well, I guess I better be going Tami and is waiting for me at the bar and I NEED A FREAKING DRINK! Ahhhh....Ok love you all.

Dazed and Confused...
John and I have kinda talked about things and are working toward some kind of agreement. Things are so weird between us. I would so much love to have what we had again. I dont know if it is something that I really want or just something that I miss in my life. I do still love him Im not inlove with him anymore but that can happen again. Right? He kinda told me somethings that get me all worked up and he said to me that who knows what would have happened if I didnt leave? Things might have worked out. Gee, he should have told me this before I just spent over 8 grand to get here and get settled. I didnt wanna leave, my parents told to me stay in Washington. Damnit what the hell was I thinking? For months John had told me that he wanted a divorce but we were always fighting when we told me that. Im so mad at myself right now. I feel like I have just cheated my kids out of a dad and me a husband. I dont know what to do right now. I dont know where to go. I think if anything was to happen with John and I that it would have to wait till he was out of the Army and he and I both got into some real help. Then I would pack and move again somewhere not far but maybe Ohio or more North in Michiagan. I cant live in Southeast Michiagan where the pot heads are and still worry that he is lying to me and seeing them. I think that its good that he misses his kids however I feel that he is only here to put on a show. I found out that he got the money for his ticket from his parents. Gee, thanks for letting him fall Kathy. Way to make him a adult. Thats about the only thing your ever good for is the money. Keep bailing him out and he'll never wanna save his money. So stupid. I dont know. Please Mom, Dad, Em, Ken, and Robin please some advice.

My Baby Not A Baby...
I cant freakin believe that my little boy is now 3! His birthday was on Thursday May 4th. I look at him and just cant believe just how big he is. He was my first kid and it was 3 years ago I remember giving birth to him and everything about it. I remember everything that happened in his life and just about every date that it happened. Hes perfect. I love him more then anything in the world. He talks so well. He even says yes please, no thanks, thank you, etc. How many other kids do you know that says that? I dont know all that many. I know that every parent says that there kid is perfect. Hunter is just so amazing. He makes me smile everyday and lightens up my day. I just cant believe how smart he is. I love it when he tells me that he loves me, I love it when he calls me mama. It makes me melt waking up to him. Hes so independent. I just love him so much and wanted to share with everyone.

The Wife I Am No Longer...
I just commented on my friend Kens blog about missing sex and maybe I dont really miss sex I miss being a wife. I miss everything about it. Having someone love you so much, someone that would do whatever it took to make you happy. Having sex or making love or whatever you wanna call it was just a plus. It was also nice for making dinner and washing clothes and baking all the goodies that I did for someone. I dont know why Im being like this right now. (crying) Im really sad that I dont have someone like that in my life anymore. My friend Kyle is madly inlove with me but I dont think of him like that. He has somethings that he needs to work on. I need someone that has there crap together. I know that rushing into another marriage would only fail again. I know. I look at all my friends Emily and Robin and they are married happy everything I had at one point or another. I miss that. Yes, I have my boys that love and need me its just not the same. I miss that knowing that someone wants to be with me and not because they have to be or because I'm there mother. Its going to be a bad day I can feel it. I think I need to go shopping today spend a little money. The boys have been stuck in this apt all week because I have been working. I think Im going to go lay in bed again.