Dazed and Confused...
John and I have kinda talked about things and are working toward some kind of agreement. Things are so weird between us. I would so much love to have what we had again. I dont know if it is something that I really want or just something that I miss in my life. I do still love him Im not inlove with him anymore but that can happen again. Right? He kinda told me somethings that get me all worked up and he said to me that who knows what would have happened if I didnt leave? Things might have worked out. Gee, he should have told me this before I just spent over 8 grand to get here and get settled. I didnt wanna leave, my parents told to me stay in Washington. Damnit what the hell was I thinking? For months John had told me that he wanted a divorce but we were always fighting when we told me that. Im so mad at myself right now. I feel like I have just cheated my kids out of a dad and me a husband. I dont know what to do right now. I dont know where to go. I think if anything was to happen with John and I that it would have to wait till he was out of the Army and he and I both got into some real help. Then I would pack and move again somewhere not far but maybe Ohio or more North in Michiagan. I cant live in Southeast Michiagan where the pot heads are and still worry that he is lying to me and seeing them. I think that its good that he misses his kids however I feel that he is only here to put on a show. I found out that he got the money for his ticket from his parents. Gee, thanks for letting him fall Kathy. Way to make him a adult. Thats about the only thing your ever good for is the money. Keep bailing him out and he'll never wanna save his money. So stupid. I dont know. Please Mom, Dad, Em, Ken, and Robin please some advice.