Not A Very Merry Christmas...
Well, its Christmas and yet I ask myself is it over yet? I didnt get anything special not even a baby thats due at any moment. John and I got into a fight about John giving chips to Hunter for breakfast. What was he thinking? Then Johns dad just shows up totally off guard and suprised us all. Which is fine but the house was a total mess and no one had a shower or cleaned. Plus, we didnt even get him anything for Christmas because he wasnt suppost to show.
I dont know I'm just not into Christmas anymore. I dont get anything and just doing Christmas is just a hassel with the tree, and lights and the shopping ooh man. I just dont care anymore. The only reason I do do it is because of Hunter. I'm just to tired to wake up and open gifts. I didnt wanna get up in the first place. And after the presents were open I just wanted to go back to bed and sleep. I went to bed pretty earily last night I couldnt get the internet working so I said F*** it and went to bed. Man, is New Years here yet? I cant wait till thats over too. Well, I hope that everyone else had a nice Christmas and I hope that if your like me and didnt then the New Year will bring you joy.

My Husband John...
As much as I love this guy to death he really gets on my last nerve. Heres all the things that just pi$$ me off.
1.) I've been preg for now 9 months and John has never rub my back or legs or feet or anything.
2.) He drinks every weekend and I mean EVERY weekend. He doesnt drink to kick back and relax but he drinks to get wasted. Is that right for a husband and a father to do every weekend?
3.) He wants me to cook dinner yet he doesnt wanna wash the pot and pans for me to make them.
4.) He makes promises to me about things and breaks just about everyone of them.
5.) I have to beg for him to buy me flowers.
6.) I have to beg for sex.
7.) I now have to beg for him to take me out so we as a family can get out of the house.
8.) When he comes home from work he strips off his clothes and makes these sock balls.
9.) He doesnt give Hunter a bath EVER!
10.) He a follower then a leader.
11.) He jokes way to much at work and in that process he doesnt get promoted.
12.) He takes the remote when I'm watching something and doesnt care.
13.) If hes watching something on TV and I just wanna spend time with him then I will watch whatever hes watching even if I dont like that show, but if I'm watching something he'd just go downstairs to watch what he wants.
14.) He doesnt let me vent when something is going on with his job just so I can blow off some steam.
15.) Before he goes to bed he doesnt kiss me, tell me he loves me, and say goodnight.
16.) Hes doesnt show me any love. He doesnt hold me, kiss me nothing unless I ask.
17.) He'd rather spend time with his friends then me.
Thats all I can think of I'm sure that theres more. I KNOW theres more. I'll just keep posting when theres more.

Christmas Shopping...
What a day, what a day? Today has been such a great day! John finally gave me sex and that was long over due. We found a great chinse place to eat. And we went christmas shopping! We spent just over $500 dollars it felt so good. It looks like this year is going to be a great christmas. Every year that John and I had been together the christmas just sucked. We didnt have the money to just spend on each other and waking up christmas morning always seemed depressing but not this year. We still arent even done the only reason we had to leave the store was because we were getting hungry. John and I each have 4 things so far. Hunter has tons and is suppost to get more. John and I got new pot and pans and a fireplace gate. We still wanna get new glasses since ours looks old and gross. I'm thinking new plates too. Why not right? There are a few things I wanna get but I just dont know what I want. John wants games for the computer and the xbox. I love buying people things. I only have one friends daughter to buy for then its just John and Hunter. I wrapped all the gifts and put them in my closet and it just looks nice. We still havent put our christmas tree up or anything christmas up for that matter. I've been so tired lately. John and I cant even come up with an idea where to put the tree. John was thinking to putting it in the kitchen but who has a christmas tree in there kitchen? Not anyone I know. So, I guess we just have to think of something. Well, tomorrow John has to work and we are suppost to go more christmas shopping sometime this week. WOOHOO I just love shopping. I'm just going to hate to see what the credit card bill looks like. Well, everyone have a great day!

Can I Get Some Love...
I feel so unloved today. John kissed me once when he got home and that was it. He said probably all of 10 to 15 words to me. He didnt thank me for dinner, he didnt kiss my goodnight, hell he didnt even tell me goodnight. I have a craving for sweet and sour chicken and I need some milk I ask him if he could run to the store to pick me up some does he? Nope. I bet he'd run to the store for beer. But, for milk not going to happen. I cried tonight because all I want before I have this baby is sex and he cant even give me that. He gave me the whole hes just not in the mood story and walked upstairs. Which makes me believe that its just another way of saying, "its me not you" BS. Ok yes im 9 months preg and I can see if he doesnt find me all that sexy but what the F*** I'm carring his kid. All I want is sex just 20 minutes hell I'd go for 15 or 10. Just something better then 30 sec. like last weekend. He said that because Ive been pressuring him that thats another reason why but I find that hard to believe. He doesnt even try to get into the mood. On Sunday morning John I guess was having a sex dream and woke up pretty earily and what does he do. Well, I'll tell you what he wasnt trying to do and that was have sex with me but he had no problems doing it himself and just look at me. What kind of $hit is that? I'm done. As mush as it hurts I give up on sex with him. And its going to keep coming up this whole why arent we having sex talk till he tells me whats really going on. Yes, I laughed when last weekend or whenever it was that he lasted 30 sec. it was funny. He said it was because he hadnt gotten off and that we havent had sex in a while. Its funny how I wanted it and he didnt then when we do have sex he can only last 30 sec. How fair is that? I was the one that wanted it and he didnt and yet he got to enjoy the sex and I got NOTHING! NOTHING! Not a hear baby because I came to fast let me please you anyway I can. I got to lay there stone faced in shock and he got up and went to the computer and starting doing whatever. Was I suppost to say, "wow baby that was the best 30 sec I every had?" I guess I was. Then he wants to know why I'm talking to these guys online and its because hes not giving me the attention that I need that I crave. I'm not going to have sex with them. Or even meet them. but at least they talk to me. I just feel like I wanna scream and break plates and just really hurt John. Right now, I hope that when he leaves for Iraq again that he gets shot in the leg. Nothing serious just something for him to realize that family comes first and that all the crap hes done is wrong. Something that would change his life and the way he views it. Well, good night and good day.

A Very Blah Day...
All day ever since I woke up today which was at like 9:30 this morning to Hunter crying I'm not happy nor sad just blah. I feel like theres just this relaxing peace over me I dont know if its because Im about to give birth or what but I just did what I had to do to get by and now its getting late and its me time. I cleaned house, made dinner, gave Hunter boy a bath and finished washing clothes and that was about it. It also may be because Christmas is coming and every Christmas is just not the same when your an adult then when your a child. I guess it is also because I know that I wont get anything. Which is really sad. Yeah, John and I have a 50 dollar limit on each other but, only having one gift under the tree is depressing. Yes, Christmas isnt about what your getting but what you give to others I know this. And I do plan on giving to others like I did last year. And I know that seeing Hunters little face opening all the gifts that John and I plan on giving him should mean more then anything. Plus, I'll have a new baby here by then I hope. So, why do I feel so blah? I dont know. My mother-in-law is coming Christmas night and is staying a week. Which I hope turns out better then what I think is going to happen. Johns friend Josh is already making plans for him to come over and meet Johns mom. GRR...Just no respect I tell ya. By then I just had a baby and I wanna relax at home and be able to walk around in whatever and now I have this over my head. Grr...Ok now I'm stressing and I know that I shouldnt. But, ok now I'm going to take a shower and try and get some sex out of John I mean it has been like 2 weeks. OMG. Has it really been that long? Oooh man. I hope everyone else is haivng a nice night and I hope that there day goes better then mine. I just hope that tomorrow goes a little better.

I'm Done...
Ok, well I'm so ready for this baby to come out. I love being preg and I love feeling him move and kick and twist but, theres just no more room in there. I feel little feet and legs but, I think the getting to the hospital and pushing him out if what I'm waiting for. I dont like not being in control and out of all the things in the world I dont have control of this. I feel fine just great but, I cant wait to get him home and to have to life of 2 kids and a husband call me crazy I know. I like to have alot of things on my plate and prove to everyone that I can do it. Pretty stupid I know. I'm a big fat people pleaser. I like to think of myself as SUPER WOMAN! I'm a wife and mother at day and super woman at night. Well, I have alot of things to do today. Gotta take Hunter boy to the doctors and I still have to take a shower and clean up a little.

Dreams...
I just wish that I understood my dreams all of them. I remember when I was little I had this dream that I had for like months about a guy that was on fire that was chasing me. It was also one of those dreams where your running as fast of you can and its not like your running at all. It scared me and I always woke up with my heart beating out of my chest . Then theres that dream that you went to school naked but, I wasnt naked I had roller blades on and I didnt bring my shoes. Whats that all about? Ever since John and I got together I have this dreams that hes cheating on me all the time. I really wish I understood them the most. I always wake up crying and in the process waking up John who doesnt know what the hell is wrong with me. Then when I tell him he just says ooh baby and goes back to sleep. Then still being in that mind set I get to thinking which for once isnt good. I go back to sleep and wake up and I'm mad at John just because he didnt say that he was or wasnt. I tell him and he says no baby Im not cheating and I wish you would stop dreaming like that. I wish I could. I dont have many good dreams with John in them I dont know why. Even when hes not cheating on me in my dreams I dream that hes doing something bad, something wrong in the relationship. I wish I had some control over my dreams. If anyone out there has any insight about whats going on please tell me what it means. Thanks:)

Its been a long time...
Its been about a few days almost a week now since I last wrote a post. Sorry about that. I've been very busy trying to get this baby stuff. Its only going to be a few more days now maybe even a week till little Mason Lee will be here. I just telling Hunter that hes going to be a big brother and it kinda took my back. My baby was going to now be a big brother. I just cant wait. I'm not excited about the labor but just seeing this little baby and his face and his little legs and feet I've been feeling for the last few months now. Its kinda scary to know that I'm going to be a mother to 2 kids. Woo that could make me cry just thinking about it.
John's out for the week doing training about 2 1/2 hours away from here. We are both kinda scared that my water will break and I'll have this baby alone again without him. I'm not doing anything but just sitting at this computer. I feel bad that the house is a mess and I need to vaccumm the dishes need to be done the bathroom tub needs a good cleaning but its only Tuesday and John wont be home till like Friday and it might be late Friday at that. It sounds crazy but after I got out of the shower today I told Mason that he has to wait till daddy comes back home before he makes his appearance to the world. I know they say that the baby can hear your voice so I hope that hes a good baby and listens.
If you wanna hear something amazing get this: John and I got along all weekend perfect. We made it one full week including a weekend without fighting. John even talked to Josh about respecting me and well Josh came over and he talked to me. Even talking about the Army and how much it sucks Josh took my side! Can you believe that? I cant. John was even shocked. I guess John throught I hated him for something that happen like 7 months ago. John and I had got into a huge fight and Josh and other friend had come over and Josh had broke a pot of flowers. I was mad but thats not something to hold over his head. I throught he didnt like me because of what I said about Hunter while John was drunk. But, I guess not. After Josh had came over on Friday he didnt call or nothing all weekend. It was so nice. But, John and I got along for the rest of the week and John and I even had sex! WOOHOO for me. It wasnt knock off my socks off sex but, sex. I just hope that John doesnt do anything while hes gone to make me pissed. If he doesnt then that would be 2 weeks. Ooh wait we kinda got into it this past weekend on Sunday but, it must have not that big of deal because I forgot about it till just now. John has road rage and all I said to him was that when I go into labor he cant be yelling at cars and swearing because I'm going to be into to much pain and we will end up fighting on the way to the hospital. He needs to be supporting and telling me to breathe and not about the A$$hole that cant drive. Ooh I just hope we can make it to the hospital in time. My labor was only 4 hours long with Hunter and that worries me if hes not here. Well, I hope that everyone is having a beautiful day/night.