Family Members DONT READ!...
I dont know if its just me but, I'm just about 9 months preg and I dont know if my husband wants to have sex anymore. I've been asking for it for a few days now and nothings happened. Hes leaving for Iraq again in the next 8 weeks or so and once this baby comes in the next 2 or 3 weeks then he wont be getting it at all. And he wont be getting it till he gets back in like May or June at the latest. We have been getting along fine for the past few days wow its been about 4 days now so there just shouldnt be a reason. Yes, I've been sick with the cold but I'm feeling tons better. Now, hes saying that he doesnt feel good that he must be getting sick. I know when I dont get it every few days or so that it can start a fight between us. I just want it as much I as can before its to late and then I HAVE to wait till he gets back. Can anyone understand this? Am I crazy? Please someone read this and give me some advice. Thanks.

Saturday Nov. 26th 2005-
Today I really couldnt have asked for a better day. John and I got along just great all day. We even got a babysitter so we could go out to eat and walk the mall for the last few baby things that I needed before I could pack my bag for the hostpital. At Lunch we talked about things with Josh and his friends coming over and it was a nice convertsation. I really think hes starting to understand where I'm coming from with Josh just coming over and disrespecting me but not talking to me, or asking how I am. He says that hes going to talk to him and I hope that this time he really does. Today, Josh even called and John didnt pick up the phone. I was like WOW this is a nice change. John told me that Josh and his wife Stacy arent getting along to well and Josh needs a place to hang out for a while. I told him that I didnt know and that which I didnt. And that now that I know that I will try to be a little more nicer when he asks if its ok. I really hope that this is a new turning point in John seeing things in my shoes. I dont care if Josh comes over I just dont want him here late and every weekend. And when he does come over that he at least see that I'm in the room by speaking to me. He doesnt have to like me because I dont care for the guy myself. I hate him with every ounce of my being. But, I cant say that I dont think John will talk to him because I have to learn how to trust John somehow. Other then that things went very well. Hunter was a good boy all day, John got a new video game, and I got baby things. John has one more day of being home before hes work week begins and I guess we will all have to see what tomorrow will hold. But, I have this feeling that Josh is going to call can wanna come over and I'm not going to be happy about this not one bit. Well, If anything happens I guess you'll be the first to know. I hope everyones day went as good as mine did. :)

Thanksgiving...
Well, I hope that everyone got enough to eat. I know I did. Yummy...I cant wait to get up tomorrow and have a really good yummy ham sandwich. My mouth is watering now. John and I got into it today I knew we couldnt go a day or 2. He got drunk and didnt eat so it was just Hunter and myself. Then John asked what was wrong with me and I told him and he didnt seem sorry or say anything about it. Which I can expect. Even Josh called. God, can we go a weekend without him calling? I guess not. I'm still sicker then all can be I went to the doctor for OB and she gave me some meds for the cold too. Woohoo! Lately, I havent been sleeping very good and have been going to bed well after 5 in the morning. Its crazy I know I need my rest. The doctor said that I could be having this baby in 3 weeks or even 2 weeks. WOOHOO! I cant wait. Just to have another baby to love a death. Someone else who needs my attention. I love it. Ok, more about Thanksgiving and the food. I heated up the ham and turkey and maked mashed potatos, corn, stuffing, gravy, and pumpkin pie. Since I'm not a pie eater then its all Johns and Hunters if he likes it. We watched football and Detorit sucked so bad. There my home team and it was just a waste of time watching that. I had to change it. Then Dallas lost too. Whats going on in the football games? Well my new home team is playing on Sunday and I hope that they at least win. Go Seattle! Well, I hope everyone is stuffed with some good food, good family and friends. Enjoy the rest of your day.:)

Sorry its been a few days...
Well, I'm sick with a really bad cold. I cant sleep because of it which is making me moody with John. I've been feeling like this for days now. I dont wanna take any meds because I'm so far along that I dont want the baby to taste it. Everytime I cough I feel like my brain is about to pop out of my head. I'm so tired. For the last few nights ok all week I havent been getting to bed till like 4 and sometimes 5 in the moring. Yes, I know how am I going to get better without rest. Its really hard to rest when everytime you lay down you cant breath and you have to by having your mouth open. Which then you wake up with a sore throat. I have a headache from hell. And I know that nothing will make that go away unless I sleep. Hunter let me take a 2 1/2 nap yesterday. It was nice. I have a doctors appt for OB and but maybe she can get me something that can knock this out once and for all. I blame John for getting me sick. He was sick with the flu a few weeks ago and he used the computer and I bet all his little germies are on this keyboard. Damn him. I now see the doctor every 2 weeks which I'm excited about now I know that its getting close. I still feel like theres things to buy but I just dont have the money right now. Why oh why cant money grow on trees like it used to when I was a kid? Ahhh..the neighbors are fighting. Lets open the widow and find out why.? I love it. Its so nice to hear other couples having there moments it makes me think John and I arent the only ones. Which I know sounds crazy because every couple fights. And if anyone is wondering John and I didnt make it through the weekend without fighting. I knew it was going to happen. He has Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday off. This is going to in interesting. We will fight I know. And I also know that telling myself that thats going to happen we probably will. If John and I cant go on one weekend what the hell is going to happen over a 4 day weekend? I guess on Monday or Sunday night I'll fill you in. Othen then the everyday crap I put on with on the reg. bases nothing else has been going on. Well, I hope that everyone is having a wonderful day. :)

A Wife and Mother...
I always wanted to be a wife and mother and now that I am I still love it. Everyday I do the samething that I do everyday. Clean, wash clothes, play with Hunter, cook, pay bills, so on and so forth. Somedays are worse then others just like everybody elses. Today, I did a lot more then other days. For some reason I just couldnt fall asleep till real late. I felt John getting up at 5 to 4 this morning and I could tell this was going to be another night he gets home real late and all he wants to do is eat and go to bed. I couldnt fall back to sleep for about 2 hours and I didnt know why. I watched the news and I must have fell back to sleep. I heard Hunter waking about 10:30 this morning by throughing things out of his crib. So, in a daze I woke up and got him. He was just laying there still with his covers still pulled up around him. He looked so cute like every morning I get him. I changed his diaper and got him some breakfast and milk and put on Elmo like every morning. Still in a daze, I washed Johns dishes like I did all week and took care of the garbage around the house. I knew that I had a lot to do since yesterday I was out for most of the day and wasnt able to do anything. I come up stairs to find that John put the toothpaste in the drawer. The poor guy has been working 16 hour days all week. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time because hes been working these hours and he must have been so out of it that he did that. I stood there looking in the mirror shaking my head with this half-cocked smile on my face. I wish that we had the money so I could treat him out to something nice like dinner or buy him something at Guitar Center. I guess I could make him a really nice dinner over the weekend and just remind him that I love him. Hey its better then nothing right? Not be all me, me, me but I've been doing alot more this week and I just hope that John and I dont fight this weekend. We had a fight last weekend so I hope this things will be ok this weekend. But, if we have a fight next weekend it would just mess up Thanksgiving which I'm really excited about. Not about fighting but about Thanksgiving. I really enjoy cooking all the food and watching the football game. I'm preparing more this year then any other year John and I have been together. Thinking back to the years of Thanksgiving every year we have been together. The first year I grilled steak! I made mashed potatos, stuffing, corn, rolls, and gravy. It was kinda nice. It was the first year that we were married and we didnt have a whole lot of money. The 2nd year is all a blur. I think I got ham and turkey from Honeybaked Ham and John and I got pretty wasted off wine and wine coolers and we didnt eat till like 8 or 9 at night. John fell asleep at the table he was so wasted. It was funny. I guess after watching football, and hours of A Christmas Story can get to you. I walked to him bed and stripped him down to boxers and kissed him goodnight and cleaned up the house and went to bed myself. Hunter was little and was going to bed around 6 or 7 at night. Last year was different, John was in Iraq and Hunter was still eating baby food I got a bottle of wine and got ham from Honeybaked Ham I made corn, mashed potatos, stuffing and I lit some candles and enjoyed myself the best that I could eating alone. I was thinking about John the whole day he had called me that morning but it wasnt the same. He told me that they fed him really good and that it was the best meal that he had there but it couldnt compare to home-cooking. I was remember that I was thankful that he was safe for the most part and that he was doing something that was helping the country. Yeah, I hate this war but, I'm still very proud of him and everything that hes doing out there. Then theres this year. A story that isnt told yet. I know that I have a huge sweet potato calling Johns name and I have ham and turkey from Honeybaked Ham, theres a pumpkin pie in the freezer for John with ice cream. Then I just need John to buy a case of beer for himself just a little 6 pack ok maybe a 12 pack depending on how I feel. I really wish I could drink a wine cooler it would be really nice but, maybe around Christmas time. Only if this little child is out and if the doctor says its ok. Well, my other little stinker is up from his nap on my bed. So, now I have to take care of him and fold clothes that has piled up on my bed. Johns going to be home in a few hours and I'm making pork chops and maybe mashed potatos and corn. Yummy! So, this is were I stop having time for myself and be the person that John has made me. A wife and a mother. A job that I enjoy for the most part. Have a nice day everyone. :)

Today..
I had to get up at 4:00am with John to be able to take the car to go shopping. And I had lunch with a friend at Mc Donalds. I feel like I'm always running late in everything that I do in life. Hunter fell outside and scrapped his face really good. He was crying for about 20 minutes and I kissed it and hugged him and told him that its ok. John kinda got me upset this morning by telling me that he was going to have Josh give him a ride home because I hate waiting for him after work. Yes, this is the same Josh that I wrote about just a few hours ago. As the night falls over the sky its bring up all the same feelings that I had this morning when he told me. Hurt, and I'm jealous of course, I really like picking him up its just evertime he calls me to pick him up I end up waiting for 45 minutes to an hour and having Hunter in the car he hates not moving and I dont blame him. Other then that today was a pretty good day. Ooh yeah I feel really un-sexy and have been for days now. I think this is the depression coming. I know that I'm pretty preg. because I'm all stomach and what not but I see the girls on the mags and I know thats not all real but still. I just feel like I'm not pretty. Well, I have to run to Walgreens.

Gettin Something Off My Chest...
I just need to yell and scream without Hunter freaking out so please just let me get something off my chest.
I HATE YOU JOSH ADAMS. YOU MAKE ME SICK. YOU ARE A FAT 21 YEAR OLD WITH NO LIFE THAT DOESNT SPEND ANYTIME WITH HIS FAMILY BECAUSE YOUR ALWAYS OVER HERE BUGGIN MY FAMILY. YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE AND DONT SAY HELLO WHICH IS REALLY DISRESPECTFUL TO ME. YOU SMELL SO BAD IT MAKES ME SICK EVERTIME YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO CLEAN IT ALL OVER AGAIN. YOU HAVE MANAGED TO CHANGE JOHN INTO SOMEONE THAT I DONT LIKE OR LOVE. BEFORE YOU JOHN AND I WOULD FIGHT BUT NOW THAT YOUR AROUND WE FIGHT MORE BECAUSE YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE. I DONT CARE IF YOU HATE ME BUT JUST KNOW I HAVE MORE POWER OVER JOHN THEN YOU CAN EVER HAVE. HES MY HUSBAND THE FATHER OF MY KIDS. YOU HAVE JOHN SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT IT JUST PISSES ME OFF. YOU DRINK ALL THE TIME WHICH CAUSES US (JOHN AND I) TO FIGHT WHEN YOU COME OVER. EVERYTIME WE FIGHT WE SOMEHOW BRING YOU UP. YOU THINK YOUR GOING TO START THIS STUPID BAND AND YOUR WRONG. I CANT WAIT TILL YOUR OUT OF THE ARMY SO YOU CAN TAKE YOUR FAMILY AND GO HOME. THEN MAYBE I CAN HAVE THE JOHN THAT I LOVE BACK. GRR..I HATE YOU LEAVE JOHN AND I ALONE.
aww I feel so much better..thank you

Happier Times...

I look over my blog just about everyday sometimes twice a day to see if someone left me a comment or just to look over about whats been on my mind for the last few days/weeks. To some people and to me to I seem like I'm really depressed. But, I'm really not. Not yet anyways. I think to make this better I should write about some happier times.
Today, I washed some more clothes and for some reason its taking me what seems like forever to wash them. I seem to do doing about a load a day which isnt going to get them done that way. I did Johns dishes I was just sick and tired of watching them just pile up. But, hes working at the range and isnt home till late and he has to get up at the ass crack of dawn like at 4:00 a.m. and he doesnt get home till like 9:00p.m. So, its no big deal. John and I arent fighting which is amazing for people who know me thats great news! This baby that I'm carring feels like its up into my ribs and its hard to sit. I'm scared about going into labor without John being here. I know that I have about 5 weeks before I pop. I can tell that hes head down and his legs and little feet are in my ribs and along my side. I cant wait to see him. I just wanna pinch his little butt and eat his little toes and fingers. I know that I'm going to eat my own words but I kinda cant wait to wake up and feed him and take care of him. Not like Hunter doesnt keep me busy because if you were to call me during the afternoon you'd hear me yelling at Hunter and telling him to stop jumpping around to stop touching everything. Grr..I hope this next baby is my good child. Hunter I like to call my wild child.
Last night, was crazy Hunter ended up falling asleep on my bed and didnt get up till about 7:30p.m. and then I didnt know John was working late and I was worried about what he was doing. I ended up calling his friends wife and ended up talking to her for over an hour. Then when John finally came home. I made Tacos. Yummy... John ate in bed with Hunter and I ate by myself which please dont feel bad I enjoyed myself. Then I watched my favorite show Nip/Tuck and that was pretty good nothing happen. Then John ended up falling asleep and I didnt spend anytime with him. Thats sad but I guess if we arent together we arent fighting. Right? I put Hunter on the potty for the first time and I sat there with him for about 20 minutes I ran water in the sink and let him flush the toilet a few times but nothing happen. I was happy that he sat there and didnt cry or scream but I think he wasnt to sure what to do. I told John that if I potty train Hunter then he has to potty train Mason. I think to myself yeah right. John doing anything but giving the boys "the sex talk" I dont see happening. Even then I think I might end up taking over that talk.
A few days ago, Hunter ended up locking himself in the bathroom. Its was funny I wasnt scared at all. John got a card to open the door Hunter was laughing thinking that it was funny too. I think John and I need to replace the door knobs. There old and ugly anyways.
Tomorrow, man what a day I'm going to have. I have to get up with John in the morning to be able to take the car. I just hope that he doesnt have to get up at 4:00a.m. like this morning. Im a morning person and all but, its hard for me to put Hunter back to bed once hes up. I have to go to Honeybaked Ham and pick up ham and turkey for Thanksgiving. Yeah I'm not a big turkey eater and theres no way I'm going to miss the football game. Then I have to go shopping for food WOOHOO! Thats going to be fun. Having a 2 year old that like to grab everything. Yeah I cant wait. Then I'm going to lunch with a friend and her 2 kids to Mc Donalds so the kids can play and Rose and I can eat and talk about crap about whats going on. Then there planing on coming over to my house and nothing like having my son and her 2 sons over to wreak the house. But, its ok its the only way I get to talk to a adult. Thats pretty sad isnt it? Shes in her 40's her sons are 7 and 5 and they just love Hunter and there both excited about the new baby. Then I just wait for John to call me to come pick him up. WOW, the life of a married woman that has no job. Yummy, dont you single woman want it? Its nice John treats me ok for the most part and Hunter is a mamas boy and I dont have to get out of my PJ's till whenever. Its funny I think about how and when John and I first got married I would get up, take a shower, put make-up on and do my hair then clean house and start dinner before he walked in the door. Now, if hes lucky I've taken a shower and started dinner. Its funny how things change after a few months of being married and having a baby. Nothings the same. Its life and I love it for the most part. Theres never anything thats black and white anymore when you get married everything all gray. Then your sight changes and everything becomes fuzzy. So, now things are gray and fuzzy. I wish the romance was still there but being a full time mom and cleaning and cooking and taking care of a 2 year old all day having John take out the garbage or doing the dishes is sexy. Him buying me flowers something of the past now unless I beg him too. Going out to eat to Mc Donalds is romantic. LOL. Ok maybe not but, going out to dinner period is nice. Having sex in the back of the car like the good ol' days is a joke now. With Army crap and a car seat thats not happening. But, it never happened before so I bet I'm not missing out. To me having sex in a car its crazy anyways. Where do you put your legs? WOW! I think I should write about more better times then when its not. Im pretty funny when John isnt pissing my off and Hunter isnt being a brat. Have a nice day people. I am. For once!

Jealously...
I now know what my problem is..it didnt take very long to think about this but, I'm being vulnerable right now so please no one hurt me. I'm jealous of Johns friends and everything John does without me. I know it sounds stupid and I'm sure your thinking that I need a hobby. Please dont rub it in i know. I wish that I had the laughs that John has with his friends and the happy times that he does with everybody else. It really feels like when I'm not around John has the best fun. He went to Ozfest in Aug and he didnt want me to go because I was preg and because he didnt want to feel like I was watching him. I watch football not because he likes to but because thats something that I enjoy too. I drink, go to bars, this is when I'm not preg so I dont wanna hear about how I'm a bad mother because I'm not. I want the relationship like Emily and Don I see them as a perfect couple. A couple that I'd like John and I to be. But, were not. I question myself everyday if John really loves me and if I really love him? And everyday I come up with the same answer I dont know. I wish that I knew what was going to happen before it happened. Life would be so much better for me. I'm so sick and tired of having this relationship that John and I are just two married people we arent friends anymore we dont hang out talk about stupid shit nothing. I'm finding myself looking for something more in other people then toward into the relationship because John gives me the feeling like this marriage is already over.

I'm Losing Control...
I really feel like everything that I worked so hard for is just failing. My marriage, my life, friends, everything. I'm working so hard to make this marriage work between John and I but, we are both hard-headed, and one of us has to change and wants the other person to go first. Lately, I've been feeling like I have to be the bigger person with everything that happens in any relationship that crosses me. Friends, family, and love. John is so different from the person that I married hes so different from the person that was in Iraq just 7 months ago. I saved all these e-mails that he sent me and now reading them again John hasnt done anything that he promised me. I dont think that I have changed. but, I'm sure that I have. I think with having Hunter run around and having another baby on the way something that John and I both wanted then when it happens John now has changed his mind. I'm stuck in a 23 year old body with a 35 year old mind. I feel like John is just to immature for me that hes more into drinking and hanging out with his buddies then working on our relationship. Which makes me cry just writing that then seeing it in black and white. I really wish that I didnt love him anymore. It would make moving on so much easier. But, theres where I'm losing control, I want to make John feel the same things that I do and he be that romeo that rides on the white horse. I dont know maybe my dad read me to many of these books that just dont happen in real life. Geez, those kids books are just full of crap. I think that maybe it should tell the truth. You know that if girls arent big breasted that guys wont look at you, that if you hang out with more guys then girls then people will think your a slut, if you were glasses and are in band then your a dork, elementary school is fun, Jr. high you look funny just like everybody else, and in High school if you dont have the hottest things then your poor, etc. everyone should remember those days arent to far behind us. I loved when my parents told me that I should date alot and when I did I was accused of sleeping with everyone. When I wasnt at all. Matter of fact I didnt lose my "V" till I was 17 years old. So, blah to my parents. I tried weed just like every other teen and I didnt like it. And even after I was out of high school and John was doing it everyday I smoked it with him and still didnt like it. Then never did it again. Its really sad that parents look to there sons and daughters differently. My brother lost his "V" like 2 weeks before my wedding and did my parents say anything probably not. Which just pisses me off. My brother did everything I did before I did and I get kicked out of my house. What kind of shit is that? Thats great parenting isnt it?

Am I crazy...?

How can I start this without coming down on John so much? Hummm..Nope, cant do it. I hate this marriage so bad. Hes messing up everything that I had planned. He now wants to start a band! Yeah thats right a band! I really hate his friend Josh because if it wasnt for him John wouldnt be the person that I'm stuck with today. I really cant wait till Josh and his wife and John and I get out of the Army. Josh and his wife are going back home to IL. well I hope, and I think we are staying here. GOD I think I'm going crazy. SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL! Every since Josh came into Johns life I dont know him anymore. Everything that Josh wears John wants now, everything Josh has John wants it too. All the music Josh listens too now John likes. When I mean everything I mean EVERYTHING! Josh is all into playing his guitar which is fine but, before John really didnt touch his. Now that Josh and John have been ass buddies. Josh got a new bigger amp and now John HAS to have the same one. Josh's wife doesnt give to shits about where Josh is and John compairs me to her all the time. "Well, Stacy lets Josh go why cant I?" "Josh this Josh that." I want the John I got married to back. I kept all the e-mails that John wrote me and I re-read them and John hasnt kept anything that he promised me. Like ooh how he could wait to take Hunter to the park and run around with him. Well, everytime I told John we are taking Hunter to the park you know what John is doing complaining about how much he doesnt wanna be there. Or what about how John misses the romance that we USED to have? Has he done anything to fix that? Once, March 11th 2005 and he took me to a really nice place in Seattle to eat and then we came back home. He was going to make it bigger like get a limo and flowers but I told him that I didnt want anything cheesey. I think that breaking promises to me is the only thing that John can do without trying. Oh and this hole band thing was suppost to be a hobby that was suppost to be a once or twice a month thing he even wrote it in a e-mail so its in black and white. Now, its a life all goal. Just the guys getting together drinking beer and "jammin". He and this Josh guy are now looking for a drummer. All I want is a normal marriage you know a husband that works a normal 9 to 5 job or hell John even said something about wanting to be a police officer. Thats fine. Just a normal marriage that the husband gets up and goes to work and the wife can work if she wants to and comes home and cleans house and makes dinner and the husband comes home and we eat at the dinner table and the husband and kids play around on the floor and we give the kids a bath and put them into bed and maybe once or twice a week the husband and wife open a bottle of wine and just watch tv and relax. But I am not going to be this wife that has 2 kids and home school my kids on a bus while John can just play his music riding around town. Its just not going to happen. Not with me it wont. John blames me for everything that didnt go his way. Oh well you made me stop hanging out with my friends in Belleville, I join the Army for you, everything I do is for you. Well, if everything is SUPPOST to be for me then why am I unhappy? Does that make sense? Nope, not to me either. I know I told him that i wanted to go to College for something. I wanted to be a k-teacher or something. We cant even get out of debit and he has a list of guitar crap he wants to buy, then he comes up with the idea that once the credit cards are paid off and we are having money that can go into a saving account that we should each put in like $20.00 a month into a different account. Which isnt a bad idea but what I wanna spend the money on is something we can do as a family like go back home and visit family and friends in Michigan or go to Hawii or some family vacation. But John hes selfish and wants to spend it on himself. Of course! Its almost like John doesnt care about Hunter or me. I know when I go shopping and I wanna buy something for myself I ALWAYS end up buying something for John. Its driving me crazy. Can someone give me advice? Am I wrong? Someone please help!

The Baby inside...

Its like no other feeling you get when your baby moves the first time that you feel it. It doesnt matter if it would be your first child or your 10th its something that only a mother can understand and some men wish they could. Little hands brush against your lower stomach, little feet that kick your bladder, little knees and elbows that move around. In the beginning it all new know matter what time around it is to you. First, you see a little ball and its hard as a rock but you know that there a little heartbeat a little peanut shaped baby just floating around in there. Then it gets bigger and bigger and woman start to have this peace within themselfs a glow. Then you have a ultrasound and your finally able to see the thing that has been making you sick and up in tears at any given point during the day. You see fingers and toes and a face. And if your lucky and you wanna know the sex of your baby. I know that I with both of my babies I had to hold back tears seeing something that my husband and I made that one special night. What seems like only like a few minutes with measuring and looking at you and your baby inside an hour has been up but no matter how bad you have to pee having to get up from that table and walking away from that screen is a weird and a sad feeling, walking into the bathroom and looking in the mirror for the first time after seeing your baby on the screen you touch your stomach and try not to get that picture out of your head. Leaving the doctors office you are just in shock of whats going on, what your body can do. Its seems so real now that you saw with your own to eyes. I know for myself I always wanted to be hooked up to the ultrasound to see whats going on in there. What new things was he or she doing? Was he or she looking like more of a baby then an alien. Once, months has past and you start to get baby things its all coming so real. Your back hurts, you feel like you can always eat, you cry at a drop of a hat at everything anywhere, your husband thinks that the pain your feeling is just you complaning about everything but the pain is real. Your stomach makes shapes now and you as a mother can tell weather its a butt or a head and where the legs and hands are. The kicks start to hurt and your able to see them without having your hand on your stomach. It may be harder to sleep now with the not stop of the baby moving. You cant help but open the first pack of diapers because you wanna see just how small the newborn diapers are. You read the books and look at the websites about what to expect, you even may take the classes but, when you start to feel the contractions or your water breaks theres no turning back. Everything that you read or what your parents taught you doesnt matter its all real now. Now your ready to push and you feel pressure maybe even pain but you just push as hard as you can. As soon as the baby is here your youth and being just a couple has changed now theres babysitters and maybe daycares the question of are you going to work or be a stay at home mom. Is there a wedding to save for or prom things that your son will have to buy? Are you even ready for a baby? Even if it was planned once he or she is here are you really ready? Once the baby is all cleaned off and the nurse asks are you ready to hold your baby it really doesnt click with you that your a mom and your husband is a dad. That things are never going to be the same for you and your husband and for you both as a couple. I dont think that it ever hits a woman really for a first time mom that its yours that this little person belongs to you that this little person you have to take care of. At first I remember it feeling like it I was babysitting that yeah hes my son looked just liked my husband. And I was feeling all the pain and discomfort of having him but it just seemed like there real parents were going to pick him up. I think looking at things like that really messed things up for me. I missed out on so many things being with my son looking at this like that. I look at the pictures and cry now till this day because I remember having those pictures taken but I dont remember feeling this bond that I do now that hes 2 years old. I hope things will be different with this baby I only have 6 more weeks or so to go. I'm really excited it was somthing that my husband and I planned. Hunter our son is going to have a brother we are naming him Mason Lee. I dont think that it has really hit my husband that its real that in 6 weeks theres going to be another mouth to feed, more clothes to buy, 2 am feeding 4 am feeding and diapers to the ceiling. I know guys have to see things to believe it and Im trying to get him excited with signing up for classes and buying baby things but John couldnt get off work and now hes sick I had to cancel appts for the class. I think Im looking forward to see Hunter and Mason playing trucks and cars and taking baths together and even the fights when they get sick of each other. My friend Emily had a baby wow almost 2 months ago and I was really scared to see how Hunter was going to react to a newborn and Hunter was perfect. He gave her kisses and hugs and wanted to hold her and give her a blanket. He liked picking out her nose, ears, eyes, and mouth to me. Hunter likes looking at all the baby things that I have he likes to see Mason's firetruck PJ's and seeing his baby bath tub he gives my stomach kisses and hugs and says nite nite baby Mason when I lay him down for bed. Now, my only fear is that how do you love two kids at the same time the same way? Im so crazy inlove with Hunter and how am I going to love Mason the same way? Yeah, Im crazy inlove with John but in a very different way for the most part but to give birth to someone and love them more then your husband is crazy and how do you do it with two kids? I hope Im not like my parents in the sense that I cant remember there birthdates. I just cant wait to see what this baby looks like! Since, Hunter is my wild child that didnt wanna sleep for me I hope that Mason will be my calm one. Sleeps good, eats well. But, I still want him to be a mama's boy. Hunters a mama's boy he never goes to John which can be a bad thing too. Hunters at my hip at all times. I seem to never get a break not even to take a shower for 20 minutes. I love my family as mush as John drives me crazy and as mush as we fight which is about every 3-4 days. If it wasnt for him I wouldnt have the kids I have now. And just for that I love him more. He says that this is our last kid but I guess we'll have to see...LOL (wink wink)

The Army SUCKS!!

People listen up the Army does NOT take care of there men. Now, in the real world when you dont feel good you call in sick and its done and over with. Well, in the Army when your sick you still have to get up at 5:00 in the morning and be there by 6:15 a.m. My poor husband is sick with the flu. He went to sick call yesterday Nov. 9th and the doctor said that he needed to go home well he ended up taking some meds and fell asleep in the car at work in the parking lot for 7 hours! LOL yeah thats funny I was laughing when he came home and told he his day. Well, like every wife when your hubby is sick you take care of him which i did ALL NIGHT ALL! Now, John wakes up this morning at about 5:00 and I wake up with him to make sure he was ok and he said oooh God I feel like shit. I told him to go to sick call again and try to see if the doctor will dismiss him from work again. Well, he tells me that he got to work and almost fell over in formation and that his SGT didnt really want him to go to sick call again because he went yesterday and they are doing some important field training. Blah Blah Blah. Well, John goes anyways and this time they run a crap load of tests and John goes back to the company and doesnt see his team and leaves to come home. I'm happy to see that he was home but a little pissed because now I have to take care of my 2 year old son Hunter but now my 22 year old husband. He does the right thing and calls his SGT the one that didnt want him to go to sick call in the first place and what does this MF-er say? That John needs to come back to work. That if he doesnt then John will have to come in on the weekend to do this training which I think is just BS. Because if anyone knows the Army that if John has to go in then his SGT has to come in too. Which come on does anyone WANT to go in to work when they dont have to? Ok well some do but not the guys in the army. Some people love being in the Army which is fine, some people become "lifers" and will be in the Army for life. Then theres the rest of the people that just do there time and get out. Oh yes I said do there time like it was jail. My husband John joined because we as a couple needed to get away from the drug use that was going on with our friends and I had told John that if he didnt do something that I was going to leave him. He was really into the drugs for a while and I was getting to the point in life that I wanted something more. Like get married, have kids, get into the real world settle down. John joined the Army a few months after 9-11 and I wasnt to worried about a war breaking out so I was fine. He goes off to Basic Training we get married we move 2300 miles away from family and friends I get preg with our son in Aug 2002. I here nothing about a war yet so everything was working in my favor. Life is sweet! Then the war breaks out and 4 years later. Here I am, here we are. Life is one huge lemon and I have no sugar and that really sucks. Do you have any sugar to give me?

When We Girls Drink Too Much.....

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.
2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.
3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.
4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.
5. WE DROP OUR 3:00 A.M. SUBMARINE SANDWICH ON THE FLOOR (WHICH WE'RE EATING EVEN THOUGH WE ARE NOT THE LEAST BIT HUNGRY), PICK IT UP AND CARRY ON EATING IT
6.WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
7. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"
8. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.
9. THE MAN WE'RE FLIRTING WITH USED TO BE OUR 5TH GRADE TEACHER.
10. THE URGE TO TAKE OFF ARTICLES OF CLOTHING, STAND ON A TABLE ANDSING OR DANCE BECOMES STRANGELY OVERWHELMING TO US.
11. OUR EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN ON THEIR OWN SO WE KEEP THEM HALF CLOSED AND THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY.
12. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.
13. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVINGUS JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.
14. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (er, or, the mop?)
15. WE START EVERY CONVERSATION WITH A BOOMING, "DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT..."
16. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.
17. OUR HUGS BEGIN TO RESEMBLE WRESTLING TAKE-DOWN MOVES.
18. WE ARE TIRED SO WE JUST SIT ON THE FLOOR (WHEREVER WE HAPPEN TO BE STANDING) AND TAKE A QUICK NAP. (OR AT A FOOTBALL STADIUM)
19. WE BEGIN LEAVING THE BUTTONS OPEN ON OUR BUTTON FLY PANTS TO CUT DOWN ON THE TIME WE'RE IN THE BATHROOM AWAY FROM OUR DRINK.
20. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.SEND THIS ALONG TO ALL THE GIRLS YOU KNOW WHO LIKE TO HAVE FUN. MAKE THEM LAUGH AT THEMSELVES LIKE YOU PROBABLY DID... SADLY, MANY ARE TRUE

This was on my friend Emilys blog and if you dont know her then I throught it would be cool to put this on mine.

The Last Few Weeks...

As been pretty crazy for me and I'd like to share to the world or who ever reads these.
First of all like other people that are married my marriage isnt perfect. I'm not perfect in this marriage but for some weird reason everyone my mine side of the family thinks John is perfect that he cant do anything wrong. Well, I hope that they read this. A few days ago John and I got into a fight not a huge fight just something that in a few weeks not even remember about. I finally made dinner that took over an hour to make and cook meat loaf and at this time John and I are fighting and I dont want to become like the rest of the world and split up when it comes to eat dinner. I think thats one of a few things my family taught me. He went up stairs to eat at the computer I was ticked that we are fighting again and now hes not eating with our son and I. I say something stupid and he throughs the plate of meat loaf at the wall hitting the wall in our bedroom and the wall to our bathroom getting meat loaf on the walls and our new baby bassinet. I say something stupid again and now he throughs the glass of water at ME. Hitting me in the stomach now I'm 8 months preg. Water goes all over me and now my stomach stings due to the glass. I'm holding back my tears trying not to show him that he hurt me. I walk down stairs trying hard not to call the cops. I look at my stomach and theres a mark from where the glass hit me. Hunters screaming and crying because once again John is screaming and calling me a bitch that I dont do anything around here. Now John has me up against the wall screaming at me like hes a Drill SGT and Im a PVT (Private) I'm just standing there. Now, did I say somethings that could have started this? Yeah I might have. I just wanna have a happy family, a nice house and a nice car. I want a husband that enjoys spending time with his family. John has seen more then most people do in there whole lifetime with going to Iraq for a year and now knowing that he has to go back again in January and leaving his family again. I get that. He is seeing someone for PTS (Post Traumatic Stress) but, I dont know if its working and I know its going to take sometime. We have seen marriage counselers once before he left for the first time and another one after he came back. John doesnt wanna go. I do. He thinks that its a waste of time because we just sit there bitching to each other. That the counseler doesnt say anything. Well, yeah because John and I dont talk we have no communication skills. Probably something that we should have worked out before we got married. I feel like I'm playing tug-a-war with the wall and no matter how hard I pull the wall will always win. As much as I want this marriage to work i just dont know anymore. I think I stay because we have kids and for the fact I have no job, no car, no money. I love John and I cant even think about being with anybody else and just even thinking about John being with anybody else makes me sick and wanna cry. Knowing as much about his past years before me thinking about him being with a girlfriend that he had years before me I wanna kick her ass for hurting John. It just makes me sick. I know that it shouldnt because it was before me that hes with me now but it just does. Anyways, I just dont know what to do? I'm just so sick of everyone thinking John can do no wrong. Oh no John could never cheat..bullshit. He was a dick he can cheat. John loves me so much yeah well sometimes I think that he might not because if he did then way does he say the things he says and does things that knows is going to hurt me? We are under alot of stress right now with John leaving and with a new baby on the way in about 6 weeks theres still about $200.00 of things I NEED from Target. We have credit cards up the ass that needs to be paid off. Which I'm going to take on when hes gone to Iraq because he'll be making more money. Theres just so much crap going on.
Another thing is that a very sweet woman past away a few days ago that I love so much. I didnt get to say goodbye the way I would have like to and I'm kinda beating myself up over it. This is the 3rd person that has died in my lifetime that I love so much and I havent really got over any of there deaths.
The first was a reg. guest at Rams Horn where I was working and I got really close to him because he always came to see me he was in his 50's when he died. He was really sick and I went to see him in the hospital and I stayed for over an hour and before I left I asked him if the next time I came up there if there was anything that he wanted me to bring he asked for a chilli from Wendy's. I promised him that I would bring it. He got better and went home a few days later. I didnt get a chance to bring him his chilli because just days after he got home I was shot the police said that it looked like he had shot himself but, I knew the truth I didnt have any proof but my friend Kenny had a girlfriend who had a son that had major troubles with the law. I believe that this kid shot Kenny because there were checks missing from Kenny that this kid was trying to cash. And very shortly after Kenny was found dead the girlfriend and her son was gone, they left the city and was never heard from again.
The 2nd person that passed from my life was a child that was beat to death. He was only 2 and his own father beat him. The first time I found out about this baby I was scared. I knew the girl that was preg before she told me. The guy that got her preg wasnt the best kind of guy he had cheated on her and got this other girl preg too. Once she had the baby I fell so in love with this child. I watched him grow and even gave him ice cream at before he was a few months old. The last time I saw him he was sleeping in his car seat in the back of his moms car. He was so big. I gave him a kiss and told him that I loved him and let him sleep some more. When he did wake up I just couldnt believe my eyes. He was walking and talking and was potty training. Before I left I gave this kid a kiss and told him that I loved him that he better be good for mommy and his grandma and grandpa. That was the last time I saw him. (crying) January 9th he died as his mom ran up to the store for 5 minutes. She left him in his fathers care. Thinking that a father couldnt hurt his own son. I still think about the last time I saw this kid and evertime I do I cry. I think about all the things that I should have said and I just think about just taking him home with me. I cant think about the pain he had as his dad was beating him over and over again. From head to toe. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this child screaming and crying for help for mommy for someone and no one was there to save him. I couldnt even be there to protect him. The father all he got was 10 years behind bars. 10 years! thats it. His mother wont see him off to kindergarden watch him graduate high school get married see him has his first kid and this guy who was the father will get out of jail and be able to have more kids will be able to get married live a life.
The 3rd was who I was talking about in the start of all this who died just a little over a week ago. Was the most sweetest woman I ever knew. She was very sick had cancer and beat it then it came back and got worse. She was fighting for so long and on Oct. 31 she just couldnt fight anymore. She died with family by her side. I didnt get to know this woman for ever long only for a few years but I looked at her like a grandma that I never had. I guess the hole point is that life is to short and that tomorrow is never promised.

Everyone that goes to the Super Market...

Listen up..Whenever I try to go shopping for food its always a nightmare. Think of the woman that has pink rollers coming out of her hair and no make-up on and dressed like she got dressed in the dark with kids hanging off the cart. Ok well thats not me at all but I do have a 2 year old that yells and screams because he doesnt wanna sit in the seat part of the cart. I bring a snack and juice for him and once I get going hes fine. Thats not the problem, my problem is that people in the store just leaving there carts in the middle of the aisle. Im so sick and tired of being nice to you. If you see that theres a young kid in the cart can you please just give us more room because I dont know about all women with kids but I know that mine will try to put whatever is on the shelf into the cart. Yes I go when we get paid which means its busy in the store and being at the store is the last place I wanna be. Im sure there isnt anyone that likes going. And having kids that has to go because the babysitter you use you feel like your taking for granted needs a break from your active 2 year old. I have no money for daycare and why would you have kids if your just going to drop them off at daycare? NE ways back to the real story, just stop leaving your cart in the middle of the aisle its not fair for anyone else to move around you. Im not a loud person but this not only pisses me off and now not going to be nice anymore. So where ever you are and your at the store think to yourself is this that Megan chick is my cart in the middle of the aisle? I might be the one that yells at you.
Thank you

Mothers of Men...

Can you do us woman a favor? You know that your son will become married well some will but this tip still applies. Please teach your son to clean up after themselves. When your son gets married hes wife shouldnt take the same crap you took when he was younger. Cleaning up after himself meaning the dishes, his clothes everything. If he can wipe his own ass then he needs to learn to pick up. If you dont then this is what will happen he will get married, he will leave hes dishes in the bedroom and boxers on the floor in the living room and glasses and plates and whatever else he can get his hands on all over. Then he will expect that thats his wife job. Its NOT my job to clean up after him. I have a 2 year old that I have to pick up and now Im picking up after a 22 year old. Whats wrong with that picture? Teach your son to do wash clothes and help out around the house. I didnt wanna move into a nicer bigger place for excerise. Woohoo more rooms to clean. We moved to have more space for our bigger family not for you to have stock piles of crap.
Also, mothers and this goes for the fathers too..
Have your son put the toilet seat down the same time you teach him how to be potty trained. Everytime you flush the toilet whatever is in there weather its poop or pee it flys up out of the toilet and gets on the everyone toothbrush and whatever else is on your counter tops. Would you wanna brush your teeth with crap on it? Yeah me either. Gross.

Please and thank you.

Guys...please read

Us woman arent stupid get that first. I dont know about all women but I know for myself that I hate porn. To me it makes me feel not sexy and it really doesnt make me horny or wanna have any kind of sex with you. I'm not saying John does this but, I know that he has looked at porn and I know when he was younger he had porn but, for the rest of you guys out there that have women in there lives. Keep the porn away unless we wanna bring it into the relationship. Ladies, how does it make you feel that when your man is having sex with you your guy is thinking of the chick in the movie or mag? Huh? I know when John looked at porn because he was mad at me and he knew that it would hurt me I wasnt mad ooh no not mad at all but I was so hurt for the fact that I'm 8 months preg with his kid and he wants to look at someone who he may think looks better then me. I love it how guys can say yeah that Brittany Spears is a whore but cant stop watching her videos or looking for half naked pictures of her. Or that Christina chick I have more respect for her for saying yeah I like sex. Guys, dont you think its a little weird that they have to dress like that to sell something? You guys hate hookers yet when you buy her product your putting money in there pocket. Dont you think that Brittany has to dress like that because she cant sing? Yeah someone may think Im just jealous and maybe your right I might be just a little but Im not trying to sing.
Another thing is that these FHM and Stuff mags are full of crap. If you guys read them let me say this I have read them to and about 98% of the things they sugguest about how to please your girl is wrong. There isnt anything anywhere in the world that can tell you how to please your mate if you dont ask them yourself. Please someone tell me what else is in those mags? Once again its half-naked chicks selling themselves for what? A mag! A $3.99 mag? How sad?
To all those video game makers out there in the world can I let you in on a little secret? Now come close..closer...come on dont be scared I wont bite. MAKE SOME DAMN GAMES WITH HALF NAKED GUYS PLEASE. Im so sick of every single game having a half naked chick on it or having games that have half naked chicks in them. Yeah I know that most gamers are males but have you ever thought that if you were to make games that appeal to women we'd play them? What is this world coming too? Naked woman playing golf? Naked woman playing vollyball? Come on people. I would love to play games and become a gamer like the rest on you lazy men out there but Im sorry Im not playing naked woman golf or vollyball. All those race car games and the games that kill are fine Ive played and liked alot. I can deal with the blood and monsters.
One more thing you guys need to know about, woman that you marry are not slaves, we are not sex slaves just because you want it doesnt mean we do and if you want it that bad turn us on dont expect up to just roll over and open our legs we are not porn stars. We would like for you to look at us like porn stars but not treat us like one. There is a difference. You guys like it when we say crap about you and your size and it makes you feel good. Do the same to us. Make us feel sexy and special and not just some girl you married for her cooking. Other thing is we are not your mother pick up after yourself weather its the dishes or your clothes. We have better things to do in our lifes besides cleaning up after you. Some of us have house cleaning to do some of us work outside the home and some of us have a child to run around after. If you dont want us to mother you by saying no john we can afford that beer or no John you cant go out with your friends tonight then stop making me treat your like a mother. If you see that we dont have any money in the account then why ask if you can have a beer?
Guys I know it may seem like Im picking on you but grow up please.

There is just a few things that piss me off...

1: Why is it that when my husband has nothing to do online he MUST stay online? He says its because he has the world at his finger tips but, I mean come on. Theres only so many websites worth looking at. Give the computer a rest for God sakes. Spend time with your family. Help out with our son. I can make a list of things he can do but, ooh no hes to lazy to do anything thats could help out around the house.
2:My husband has really dry hands and when hes hands are in hot water for to long they start to hurt. I understand that. My problem is that part of his things to do is the dishes because I'm always making dinner. But, he never washes the things that needs to be hand washed. It takes what all of 5 minutes. The same thing happens when it comes to giving our 2 year old a bath. I tell him to go the the doctors that maybe the doctor can give him something that works and he did once and the doctor did give him something but does he use it? yeah for the first few days then i tell him that if its working then maybe he should cont' using it but no he tells me that hes fine. Well then help me give our son a bath once in a while.
3:Well, if your one of my family or friends then you know that my husband has to leave for Iraq again. My problem is that Im 8 months preg and the stupid Army is making my husband go to Iraq again when there are people in his company that arent going that arent married that doesnt have a family here except for there mom and dad back home. Does that make sense to anyone? The Army CLAIMS that there all about family and making things easier for them but that all big BS!
4:This war in Iraq, what more can i say about that? Well lots. First, I love my husband and I'm very proud of him for being in the Army and doing what he does (military police). I support our troops 100% but I dont support this war at all not one bit. Why is there this war going on in the first place? How many more people are going to have to die before Bush realizes that these people that are going out there are people not robots. I really wish Bush would send hes daughters out there and become part of the thousands of military familes that are affected by the number of troops that are dying. What does Bush do when a troop dies? I think he writes a letter to the family. Thats it! He did more with the families of people that died on sept. 11th. Then this war. If your loved one is in Iraq you know that everyday theres not a knock at the door its a good day and that everytime there is you close you eyes and say a quick "please God let it be the mail man."

Well, thank you for letting me speak my mind. Please send me your comments on what I said or if you would like me talk about something please let me know.